Visiting San Francisco. What are some must sees in your beautiful city?

I'll tell you exactly what not to do because I hate the city so much...

1. Don't take **ANY** walking tours. You're literally signing up for hell.
2. Don't go to the Exploratorium, it's stupid and overrun with little kid looking at the simple and pointless exhibits.
3. Some of the aquarium stores are absolute crap, don't waste your time. Also, the public aquarium (for viewing) is bad too, don't go.
4. Avoid fountains and other water sources, many homeless people pee and poop in them.
5. Don't use public restrooms anywhere unless it is for a nice store. Restrooms in the piers and the public city restrooms are extremely ghetto and they smell worse than anything you've ever smelled and will ever smell.

Things to do:

1. Go to the mall, it's pretty nice and full of awesome restaurants. The food court is literally the shizz, go to the Kichi Grill. It's the best cheap Japanese food ever.
2. Visit Pier One and buy food but avoid the bathrooms.
3. Ride the Ferry to Alcatraz but take the self tour because the guided one sucks and self tour is more fun and faster. Spend less than an hour in the jail so you can get there, look, and get back in less than 2 hours.
4. Walk along the Golden Gate Bridge, it's really pretty and some days you can see dolphins around it (on the bay side) but don't count on it.
5. GO TO FISHERMAN'S WARF AND SEE THE SEALS. CHO KAWAII.
6. Go to Gharadelli Square.
7. Eat at Boudin Bakery (it's a bread place and they have soups they serve in bread bowls and they make them there for every Boudin in the Bay Area)
8. In Union Square there are a lot of homeless people so stay away, but on one of the sides there is this hotel with a glass elevator. The elevator requires a card, but you can usually walk in with guests. Don't ask about going up, they won't let you, just walk in behind a guest. Go to the very top floor. If it isn't foggy, you get an awesome view of the nice part of SF. It's really pretty and I have pictures of a middle-aged British woman I met in that elevator bc she photobombed me.
9. Leave SF and vow to never go back because it's ugly, it smells bad and walking hurts.

Hit up the Academy of Sciences while you are here. It's in Golden Gate Park (lots of other neat stuff in the park, Botanical Gardens, DeYoung Art Museum, Japanese Tea Garden, etc. (and, you can drink in the park, if that's your thing...)), and has some pretty cool exhibits/displays.

Depending on how much time you have, and what your transport options are, it might be worth hitting up some other spots in the general bay area.

Aqua Forest, while not my favorite store, is definitely worth dropping by, especially if you'll be in Japan town anyways. I'm personally fond of Albany Aquarium - it's over in the East Bay, reasonably close to the El Cerrito Bart stop. Not as impressive looking tanks as some of those in Aqua Forest, but most of the staff strikes me as friendlier, if not more knowledgeable, and the livestock and plants they have generally look really good.

Chinatown is always worth visiting, especially if you are partial to the food or anything.

And I'd second hiking up to Coit tower- you might get to see the parrots (and if not, you'll likely hear them...)

Golden Gate Bridge is worth visiting if you are at all interested, and there are also a handful of old bunkers/gun emplacements scattered around the hills near there if you feel like exploring. Last I checked, most were either bolted/welded up shut, and the parts that weren't were, well, full of NSFW type debris...