[annejohnson]

I agree, the your spouse should know.

 

[jellopuddinpop]

I really thought my wife wasn’t into my tank at all; that she just tolerated it. She would poke fun for the time I spent, when I got frustrated, the money I spent, etc etc etc…

We’re in the very last stages of remodeling our entire home, and the very last thing to get done is the entryway. She surprised me about 2 months ago with an architectural interpretation of our entryway with my 125G tank built into the wall, right in the center for everyone to see (she’s an architect by trade, and designs new homes and additions for a living). I almost fell out of my chair when she said that I could put the tank right in the middle of the wall in the foyer!

Most of the construction is done at this point. I have the week of 10/19 off to do the tank move. It’s going to be stressful and exciting at the same time.

The biggest stress is that the tank is literally going to be the first thing you see when you open the door. I’m going to be an absolute panic if I get some horrible algae outbreak lol.

 

[ipkiss]

I’m going to be an absolute panic if I get some horrible algae outbreak lol.

The pressure is on!

 

[Deedledee]

My hubby is an enabler ! I currently have 4 aquariums, with a new Fluval Flex 32.5 gallon arriving in a couple weeks. We both consider my aquariums to be living pieces of furniture, so each one is strategically placed and aquascaped, according to overall room design. Both of us have a healthy dose of OCD, so that plays a big part in the decision making !

 

[Oughtsix]

I tend to reduce the actual price I paid. ðŸ¤[censored]

The only money I ever spend on aquarium supplies is the incredible amount of money she saves us by buying all her shoes at those too good to pass up sales!!!

>

 

[Discusluv]

I really would like to turn the garage into a fish-room. Breeding tanks on racks-- etc...
Imagine how my husband would take that conversation... not good.

Its nice that some have really accommodating spouses. My situation is more contentious. Every tank requires a lot of negotiation. But, then again, I tend to think I may be excessive and unreasonable in my requests. I have a 180, 60 gallon, 2- 30 gallons, a 5.4 gallon, a 9 gallon, a 10 gallon a 7.5 gallon and a 5 gallon in 3 rooms of the house: kitchen, dining room, and living room.

But, he likes his tech stuff: wires, cables, smart-home everything. I cannot turn anything on in the house by flipping a switch and I forget if I need to ask Siri or Alexa to turn on a light.
Its part of bringing 2 people together that have differing interests and hobbies. If you want to satisfy your own hobbies, you need to accept that Suri or Alexa, or Hue lights that turn every color but "normal" is part of the deal.

 

[ichthyogeek]

When you don't have a spouse, but COVID's stuck you with your parents. Who have a very low Parent Approval Factor...thankfully jobs are opening back up again so into relative freedom soon!

Granted, any spouse I have is going to have to deal with the fish tanks. And hopefully help me clean all 500 I eventually add into the theoretical house we get...In return I'll promise to keep the live food cultures restricted to one room of the house as well as just have a small chest freezer to keep all the weird frozen foods away from the main fridge....

 

[FischAutoTechGarten]

Granted, any spouse I have is going to have to deal with the fish tanks. And hopefully help me clean all 500 I eventually add into the theoretical house we get...In return I'll promise to keep the live food cultures restricted to one room of the house as well as just have a small chest freezer to keep all the weird frozen foods away from the main fridge....

Good luck with all of that!

Its part of bringing 2 people together that have differing interests and hobbies. If you want to satisfy your own hobbies, you need to accept that Suri or Alexa, or Hue lights that turn every color but "normal" is part of the deal.

That made me laugh!

 

[Fishly]

@jburr2468 I was going to say something about therapy, but @Econde said it better, so I'll just second that. BTW, you can go to a therapist by yourself; you don't need to convince her or ask her permission.

____________

I'm inclined to say "your money, your choice" when it comes to hobbies, but some hobbies take more than money. Things like golf and fishing take massive amounts of time, playing an instrument produces (sometimes awful) noise, soapmaking and soldering put smells in the air, etc. Aquariums hit a bunch of those sore spots. Much as I love fish and the idea of breeding, I don't think I could handle the noise of a fish room. Substrates, fish food, medications, and even algae can develop a bad smell. If you're sharing living space with someone else, it's not just square footage that matters - you're sharing things like air and free time as well. Not to mention the eyesore factor - most decor schemes aren't built with aquariums in mind. People have a right to feel comfortable in their home, and that means compromise and prior discussion.

 

[W8INLINE]

What worked for me was talking to my wife about hobbies I would like to get into after I had already bough a tank, filter, co2 system, etc etc that was "hiding" in the trunk of my car. I talked about the cost of building another race car like I had back when we first met or maybe just classic car restorations, I talked about getting into drones, I talked about trapshooting....maybe we could start golfing.

With every idea we were searching associated costs and she kept rolling her eyes....in the end I looked away and mumbled "maybe I should get another fish tank and save the extra money for a trip or something"

I'm on my 6th tank and since a trip to Jamaica is not an option with covid and all I am trying to figure out where to fit tank #7 LOL

 

[Fishly]

Some of the things said here seem pretty sneaky and manipulative. It's just a fish tank. It's not worth going behind your spouse's back or lying to them. Yes, you're an adult and can do what you want, but when you have a joint budget or joint responsibilities, you need to have joint agreement on big expenditures. If there's an understanding that both parties can spend as they please, then that's fine. But if the bulk of the family fun-fund goes to a hobby that only you enjoy, that is not cool. Likewise, if your spouse is stonewalling you even though they have plenty of their own hobbies, that is also not cool.

I'm sorry if this comes across as judgmental, but I come from an abusive home where money was an issue. Some of the things said in this thread are worrying.

@W8INLINE, I know your post is right above mine, but this isn't specifically aimed at you. Something about this thread was just bugging me and I wanted to come back and say more.

 

[Econde]

Really should be about trust, respect and transparency.

 

[FischAutoTechGarten]

some hobbies take more than money. Things like golf and fishing take massive amounts of time, playing an instrument produces (sometimes awful) noise, soapmaking and soldering put smells in the air, etc. Aquariums hit a bunch of those sore spots. Much as I love fish and the idea of breeding, I don't think I could handle the noise of a fish room. Substrates, fish food, medications, and even algae can develop a bad smell. If you're sharing living space with someone else, it's not just square footage that matters - you're sharing things like air and free time as well. Not to mention the eyesore factor - most decor schemes aren't built with aquariums in mind. People have a right to feel comfortable in their home, and that means compromise and prior discussion.

Really should be about trust, respect and transparency.

Thank you both for taking the time to write this. These two contributions should be their own Thread, a Permanent Post-It, in the 'General Planted Tank Discussion' Forum Section.

 

[edustarling]

When I started dating my wife 8 years ago I spent most of time out of home (working, rowing, partying, etc), and my 20G tank at the time was a shame. When we married, we decided to live on her house and getting rid of that 20g was part of the deal. Some months later I convinced her to build another one (25g as far as I remember - converting to us gallons of course) and as our baby girl was born the tank was part of the decoration and part of the sleeping routine of our girl.

Some time later we did some improvements here (our home office became our girl's room, and part of our closet became our new home office) and we had to get rid of the tank. So I started a nano tank with a female betta (lol).Then she suggested that we build a larger tank at our living room. It's my prettiest tank ever to date, she got really fond of it, specially the surviving discus (we had a couple, the female died and the male is still reigning there). Now we're planning to change to a bigger one to dedicate do discus and neon tetras (about 70 us gallons). It'll be at the end of the year and I'm already planning how to migrate fish to the bigger one, filtration, to accelerate cycling, etc

So yes, I think I have a high spouse acceptance, but it was something I fought for

 

[W8INLINE]

@W8INLINE, I know your post is right above mine, but this isn't specifically aimed at you. Something about this thread was just bugging me and I wanted to come back and say more.

No offence taken.... my post was more about comic relief after reading the comments and seeing some people taking this topic a bit too serious. My wife actually sends me to the LFS sometimes.... she likes this hobby too but unlike me she would be satisfied with only one tank...

I do agree though on the point you made....a hobby should not come out of a joint account and definitely not impact a household's finances... a hobby should be taken as far as whatever spare money you have burning a hole in your pocket.

With us we have a joined account, then she and I have a small amount we can do whatever we want with every month. My hobbies come out of that, and so do hers. I don't tell her where to spend her portion and she dosnt tell me how to spend mine....the only thing is the placing in the house of all the tanks that we have to find common ground.

 

[Blackheart]

I generally don't try to deceive my wife. Especially generally, all of my fish tank setups will go in the living room where it can clearly be seen. I usually have to be open and up front. Now if I tell her an idea and get an awful response for it, then it's probably NOT a good idea in my case lol But I get more of an "okay," or "sure" kind of response, then it's a go lol

Like my 33 long I purchased in Feb. Initially she wasn't too happy about it because it's such a long tank, but now honestly, seeing what joy it has given me, she's okay with it.

 

[Capsaicin_MFK]

My wife is actually the reason I get most of my planted tank equipment. I mentioned to her I was thinking of getting an aquarium for my office on campus but I wanted it to be high tech with co2 and high light. Her response was, "Do it! That would be cool to have in your office!" She knows I won't go crazy with spending money as I take my time with pricing out equipment. She even helped me scape the tank when I brought it home.

 

[brendon-]

This can definitely be an expensive, time consuming hobby. What I end up doing is take on freelance work on top of my regular job, specifically to have funds set aside for this sort of thing (fun money). Selling other hobby stuff on ebay is another approach sometimes. I figure that there's not much to be upset about if I'm working extra to cover the cost. It also helps me justify it to myself. All that being said, the size of the tank is definitely a touchy topic. I've tried to keep it small, and make the setup as aesthetically pleasing as possible so it feels like something nice to have in our space. Even before I brought it in, I mocked up a box the size of it, and showed photos of some amazing tanks to get her into it.

 

[Crazygar]

At one point, I was with another woman whom was a rabid fishkeeper/enthusiast/nutcase like myself. Very soon our entire basement disappeared into an enormous fish room, not including the tanks spread throughout the main living level. Sunday = Tank cleaning day, literally the whole day.

It became clear that we were both out of control. So, on the flip side of the coin, having a spouse whom is just into the hobby as yourself can spell a runway MTS effect. Mind you the kids enjoyed it, she was a Loach specialist and both of us had a love for Biotopes at the time...

Gary

 

[mourip]

What worked for me was talking to my wife about hobbies I would like to get into after I had already bough a tank, filter, co2 system, etc etc that was "hiding" in the trunk of my car. I talked about the cost of building another race car like I had back when we first met or maybe just classic car restorations, I talked about getting into drones, I talked about trapshooting....maybe we could start golfing.

With every idea we were searching associated costs and she kept rolling her eyes....in the end I looked away and mumbled "maybe I should get another fish tank and save the extra money for a trip or something"

I'm on my 6th tank and since a trip to Jamaica is not an option with covid and all I am trying to figure out where to fit tank #7 LOL

I am pretty sure that she figured out your strategy long ago. She must be fond of you