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Very Nice. It draws your mind to come along with the writer.
 

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interesting poem. It all flows and makes sence in regards to a dream. There are two sentences I have a question about.

My body unfolds
Shielding its mold

This to me says something is being revealed and yet at the same time not being revealed by shielding it. It kind of says your mold is being unfolded(exposed) but yet it is still not unfolded. It reads a little condradicting from the readers stand point. Though the only person that it makes sence to is the writer. If it were my poem, I might want to go back and clarify that portion for the reader to understand. If the intention was to be contradicting then you should leave it as is. Or if the intention was to express your mind with mixed directions then you should leave it. If it is important for the reader to understand your concept of your dream it should be clarified.

I like it. Starts with you dosing off and ends with you feeling not judged in the unconscious mind and the sence of feeling comfortable to be you.
 

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Ryzilla- Look at this fully:

My body unfolds
Shielding its mold
You feel free body with soul

I think it means as he dazes off into a slumber that hes feels like he is free of everything and he is shedding all that bothers him while he is still within his skin. He is at one with himself as he unravels into a dream.

That is my interpretation.
 

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My body unfolds = Winds down from the day
Shielding its mold = Warms up the core keeping it comfortable
You feel free body with soul = Self-actualization

James you get it.
Lol, I am reading poems in school and have to give a logical meaning as to what I think it is. When I read that I instantly knew what he was talking about with no time to think.
 

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Discussion Starter · #7 ·
This is my first poem never had a specific training in writing. Although they do teach english for 12 years in school.

Any other critics?

I also believe a person should have the freedom to read a poem or any other writing and feel free to look in their own direction, not just the authors. Saying that Ryzilla is also correct.:icon_idea
 
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