[Church]

...while I tend to my real-life issues. So to the people who PM'd me or who might have directed a question or comment to me in a thread somewhere, I apologize if I missed you or didn't get back to you. I promise it's not because I'm ignoring you.

My girlfriend and I are amicably parting ways. It's official as of earlier tonight. We are now broken-up. Before someone asks, NO, it's not because of the hitchhiker's guide fiasco from that other soap opera thread of mine. That, as it turns out, was a non-issue in the grand scheme of things.

The issue is simply that we are growing apart from each other. There is a notable age difference that was never much of an issue, but ultimately we can now see how things are changing between us and we cannot deny that is related to the different areas of life we are in.

I am 32, she is 23. I've already gone through school and found my niche in life, so to speak, while she is just now beginning to discover who she is and is going back to school to become a paralegal. I'm very proud of her, and I truly believe that I was instrumental in getting her to want to return to school. And now that she has, and has gotten a good job at a law office, she rightfully feels that she needs to experience life on her own. We both feel that she needs to discover who she is and really enjoy her 20s, which are all about self-discovery.

I fully support this decision, as much as it hurts, and it is going to be tough living without her. But I completely understand, and I certainly don't want her to pretend she doesn't feel this way, only to end up resenting me and divorcing me later on down the road, after getting married and having kids. So I am actually happy that she has owned up to this and is being honest with me.

Because we live together, this is going to be tough. We haven't figured out the logistics yet, on how we are going to do this. I guess we need to talk to the landlord and see about either breaking the lease, or taking my name off of it. But nonetheless, it's for real. And with this decision comes the reality that I will have to break my tanks down and either move them, or get rid of them. This isn't so easy to think about, since I have no clue where I'll be going. But I want her to stay in our apartment, since it's so close to her mom's place, so I will be the one moving out.

This all pretty much means I will be absent for a little while. This may very well be my last post for a minute. But as always, I'll be back. At least I know that my 10g and 2.5g will be okay. I mean, seriously, I don't even have to drain the 2.5 and it can ride on my lap in the car to wherever I move to. The 10g is almost just as easy. But that poor 45g has already been through 2 moves, and now this makes the 3rd. Maybe I should just give up on that one.

At any rate, I just wanted to let people know that I've got to tend to real life at the moment, so those of you (Left C comes to mind) whom I've promised some plants, don't think I've forgotten about you. I always come through on my promises. It'll just have to be delayed, that's all.

I guess that's all for now. I'll be back when I can. This is just going to be tough, because I really love her, and the paradigm shift will be drastic for me.

Love and light to all.

 

[alan j t]

see you soon homey:icon_smil

 

[mistergreen]

Well sorry to hear and good luck. I've been there with the age difference too.

I've known of some who send off their fish and plants to other aquarists whether local or not. And when they're settled, the aquarists send back fish and plant cuttings. So at least you won't have to pay extra for setting up your tank again.

 

[smoq]

Good luck buddy. I hope you;ll figure it out somehow and we will see you soon.

 

[NJAquaBarren]

Nicely written Church and noble of you all around. It will sort out in the end, as you already suspect. You'll need a project for distraction after you find a place - like maybe a new 75g.

All the best. It will work out.

 

[DevinWolfe]

I hate to hear the bad news, but it is good to hear you are handling the situation so well. I wish you the best of luck.

I agree with the new project idea. Maybe you should get with Wasserpest and plan a massive plywood tank. That would be a real fun project to tear down when you move next time.

Good luck and see you around,

~Devin

 

[whickerda]

Church - keep your chin up buddy. You're a class act.

 

[Centromochlus]

Sorry to hear about the break up. I like the way you're looking at this situation though - "I fully support this decision, as much as it hurts, and it is going to be tough living without her. But I completely understand, and I certainly don't want her to pretend she doesn't feel this way, only to end up resenting me and divorcing me later on down the road, after getting married and having kids. So I am actually happy that she has owned up to this and is being honest with me."

And i think it's very thoughtful that you're letting her stay in the apartment because she's close to her mother.


I wish you the best of luck. You're definitely handling this situation much better than most people would.

 

[Hoppy]

I'm really sorry to read this Church, you are very much a class act. Keep your chin up.

 

[lauraleellbp]

You'd better not turn into a stranger, buddy! :frown:

 

[Left C]

I've never read a nicer breaking up story. It sounds so logical. It's going to be a bit rough for a while, I'm sure. I found a nice tune to cheer you up some. I know that breaking up is hard to do. The plants can certainly wait until you get your feet on the ground. I hope that you can find a nice beach cottage. That would probably be loads of fun.

 

[Lnb]

Good luck Church ........ glad to see there are some gentlemen left in the world! That's what my husband calls ....sucking it up and being a man.

Hope to see you back real soon!

 

[funkyfish]

Awww sorry to hear that. Good luck to you and you definitley did a right thing and handled it like a real gentelman I am sure there are better things ahead of you. Keep your head up and I hope we'll see you back very soon....

 

[husonfirst]

Best of luck. Hope to see you back here soon.

 

[miklb]

Been there, done that. I've learned that if I don't keep something like a hobby to get lost in when the blues come around, I would find myself in worse situations.

We've not met, but if need a place to stash some equipment, or just want to make sure some of your plants get a good home, I'm in central Tampa.

 

[Church]

Wow. You guys are so awesome. And I feel so blessed and so fortunate to have the support network that I have. I mean, from my family, to my friends, and to you all, I've been getting through this relatively easily.

The responses I've been getting from you guys have definitely helped me out, and I'm still sort of finding it hard to believe that an internet forum, about fish and plants no less, can be as helpful and sympathetic as you all have been.

My ex (wow it's weird calling her that) and I went out for dinner last night and talked everything through, and we both feel very special for being able to end this as honestly and healthily as we are. It's almost surreal. But it's the right thing for us both to do, and I know beyond any shadow of a doubt that we will always be friends.

Anywho, I'm still not technically back yet from my sabbatical, but I wanted to just thank everyone for your show of support. It means so much to me, I can't even put it into words.

I also want to express that I have decided to dismantle the 45g, since I will now be moving back into my parents' house for a little while, and they don't really have the room for a 3 ft tank. So this means I will be selling it. Those of you in the tampa area, if you are interested in it, by chance, stay tuned and I will be posting the details. I'm actually even considering selling it with all the manzanita and the 3MCQ if there's an interest in that sort of thing. But I will definitely be selling at least the stand and the tank itself.

I'm keeping the XP2 and the co2 equipment, though. Sorry. What I will be doing is setting up my 20-long again. And since the lights I'm using over the 45g are actually the 30" t5no fixtures I bought for the 20-long, I've already got everything I'll need except a stand!

So I need enough money to buy a 30" stand and I will be golden. My parents are being very supportive of everything, and they are actually excited about having planted tanks in the house! While we (my siblings and me) were growing up we always kept saltwater and reef tanks in the house, so they always enjoyed those, but they've secretly always liked freshwater tanks too, and now they look forward to having some around.

I've already brought my 2.5g over and set that up. Once my mom saw it she said it's the cutest aquarium she's ever seen, and now she would like me to set up another one that we can put on the kitchen counter and keep a betta in it. She loves bettas, and now she's going to see how much more exciting they are when they are in a nice, planted tank instead of the bowl she kept her last one in. (My mom has a way with bettas... her last one, even though at one point I thought it had dropsy and was going to die, stayed alive and happy on her kitchen counter for 3 years! THREE YEARS! Isn't that a record or something? It was a freaking decoration on the table at a wedding reception she went to, and she couldn't bear the thought of them throwing it out with the trash at the end of the night, so she took him home, and he lived for 3 more years after that. Amazing...)

And I'm probably going to be moving the 10g tonight or tomorrow. I've already dedicated a spot for it, so that one should be alright. I don't expect to have any problems with it. I'll be then taking the pygmy cories, and the lone amano shrimp that are currently in the 45g and transferring them to the 10g. I haven't decided what other fish I'll be putting in it yet. Probably a school of boraras or somethinng.

And that leaves me with a pair of rummynose tetras that are too big to put comfortably in the 10g, so I will have to give them away. Anyone in Tampa want them? They're yours. If not, they'll be going back to the LFS, but obviously that's not the preferred course of action. It would be nice if there were someone in Tampa who already has a school of rummynose and who could fit 2 more. They are healthy, as far as I know. Never had any problems. I bought a school of 7 of them, and then 5 of them died in the first 72 hours! But these remaining 2 have been healthy and colorful for months now, and none of the other critters ever had problems, so I can safely say it wasn't a parasite or a disease or anything that would have spread to the others. So if anyone is interested PM me about them.

I think that about covers everything for now. Pretty soon things'll be back to normal and I'll be posting in my journals again. Oh yeah, that reminds me, some of you might remember that a while back I was planning on setting up a whiskey barrel pond, but that never got off the ground... well it will now! My mom is totally into the aquatic stuff, which I really forgot all about since it's been so long since I've lived with her, and she's already cleared a spot for me out by the front door. She mentioned that she gets a little mosquito problem out there, and I'm thinking a little container pond with some gambusia in it will help out (at least some).

So anyway, I have a wonderfully supportive family (that's what comes from mama being latina!) and a great, meditative hobby to keep me grounded, and I know now that everything is going to be alright.

Once again, I thank you all so much for just listening to me and responding to me and, just, reminding me that there are good people in the world, even if they are faceless screen names, lol.

You guys rock.

 

[DevinWolfe]

I'm sure everyone is happy to help. You do a lot of good for the forum, it's only fair to return the favor.

When I went through a hard time a few years back I became part of a car forum and found that being a part of it daily was therapeutic.

Staying involved with things you like would help with the healing/moving on process, speaking only from my own experience of course. Although, everyone has their own way of dealing.

 

[Left C]

I'm saddened a bit, Church. You haven't commented on the tune that I found for you. It's in my other post too.

PS: Just pickin'.

 

[sewingalot]

Wow, Church. I just read through this. I wish the best of luck to you both. You seem to be handling quite well, and I am glad to see you are in better spirits already. Just know there are a lot of us here that are rooting for you and miss your posting.

Sara

 

[plantbrain]

Save all your hobby stuff, when you come back for air, you'll have all the stuff you liked prior.

Good to leave on a note like that, now close the dang door and no opening it again.

30 days of no contact of any sort.
Then you can start to think clearly.

Go work out, run, lift weights, hang with friends, learn something new that you have always wanted to windsurfing, Motocross, etc etc.

Life's short and you'll get old fast.

Regards
Tom Barr