[Centromochlus]

I know this is an odd place to ask a question like that, but i just found out that someone very close to me was killed in a boating accident a few days ago, and I'm struggling with accepting reality. It was very unexpected and it wasn't his time to go. I have no one to turn to except a few friends who tried to understand what i was going through, but they didn't really understand. I can't focus in school, i'm having flashbacks constantly, and i'm not quite sure what to do.

The last death that i can remember was my grandma when i was 6, but back then i was too young to understand what actually happened. So i guess this is my first time dealing with something like this.

Anyway, how do you guys deal with the passing of someone close?
Any thoughts or advice would be greatly appreciated.

 

[sewingalot]

I am so sorry to hear about your friend. It is never easy, and the best advice I can give you is to remember the good times and to allow yourself to grieve. I found it is important to let yourself be sad, or angry if that is what you are feeling. Ignoring or trying to push away the feelings will make it harder, such as the nightmares.

Talk to your parents (I know, it's hard, but they have lost many people they know as well) if you can. I lost my grandpa last year and I still struggle. The nights I wake up from a bad dream about him or I really start to miss him, I try to think of a funny story he told or a happy memory with him. It makes it easier to deal with.

 

[Church]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I went through this recently myself, when a friend of mine took his own life. It doesn't matter how the loss occurred, just, that it occurred at all. And all I can tell you is allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to think about him, get together with the rest of the "crew" and have a few beers in his memory, reminiscing about the good times you all had with him... that type of thing.

My condolences.

 

[Centromochlus]

Thank you for your replies. I really appreciate it.

I'm very sorry for your loss. I went through this recently myself, when a friend of mine took his own life. It doesn't matter how the loss occurred, just, that it occurred at all. And all I can tell you is allow yourself to grieve, allow yourself to think about him, get together with the rest of the "crew" and have a few beers in his memory, reminiscing about the good times you all had with him... that type of thing.

My condolences.

I'd do that, but i'm only 14 LOL. At least you got a laugh out of me.

And i'm sorry to hear about your loss as well.. and you're right, it doesn't matter how it occurred. The only thing that matters is that it did happen.

 

[Church]

Oh ok then definitely don't have any beers!! It doesn't taste good anyway until the day you turn 21, I promise...

 

[Centromochlus]

Oh ok then definitely don't have any beers!! It doesn't taste good anyway until the day you turn 21, I promise...

LOL! :flick:

Not really interested in alcohol anyway. So no problem. :thumbsup:
Just talking and laughing a bit is making me feel better. Thank you guys

 

[mistergreen]

yeah, you just need to talk and be with your friends and family even if they don't understand what you're going to.

I don't think it's about people empathizing with you. They just need to be there.

 

[kid creole]

Just know that you are not alone. We all experience this, just some before others.

 

[Centromochlus]

Well i just went outside and noticed there were 4 lilly flowers open. I've never seen 4 bloomed at once, we've usually only had two at a time in our pond.

The evening i found out about his accident, i went outside and sat by the pond since the sound of the waterfall relaxes me. Maybe 4 bloomed for a purpose.

 

[Centromochlus]

yeah, you just need to talk and be with your friends and family even if they don't understand what you're going to.

I don't think it's about people empathizing with you. They just need to be there.

Yeah definitely.

 

[billb]

There is a good organization dedicated to help kids deal with the death of someone close, usually family members. Look up Comfort Zone Camps. They helped my 14 year old when our oldest son died. All fees are covered by donations. Sorry for your loss

 

[theinjected1]

I am not sure how you would feel about this, but as you are a 14 year old, talk to your school counselor. I teach middle school kids so I know that kids of your age can have a hard time making sense of your feelings. Between the stresses of school, home, and life in general, any unexpected interruption no minor or major it may be can seen larger than life. Even if they can not help you in the ways that you feel satisfactory, they may be able to point you in the direction that will. The loss of someone close to you f>(k!#& sucks, but it happens. I feel for your loss and hope for the best for you and the ones close to you and him.

Namaste,

~Todd

 

[sewingalot]

Well i just went outside and noticed there were 4 lilly flowers open. I've never seen 4 bloomed at once, we've usually only had two at a time in our pond.

The evening i found out about his accident, i went outside and sat by the pond since the sound of the waterfall relaxes me. Maybe 4 bloomed for a purpose.

Not to sound goofy, but I think it is a sign to let you know that it is okay to be sad and he is watching out for you.

 

[Axelrodi202]

Now I'm afraid to go boating. :/

But life works in mysterious ways. Those lilies could mean something.

 

[Centromochlus]

Not to sound goofy, but I think it is a sign to let you know that it is okay to be sad and he is watching out for you.

Yeah i actually agree with you.. i usually don't believe that kind of stuff, but it's never happened before. I hope he's watching out for me. I kind of felt it when i took those pictures.

Now I'm afraid to go boating. :/

But life works in mysterious ways. Those lilies could mean something.

Don't be afraid of boating. His boat got unanchored, so he swam back out from the shore, and a monsoon came in suddenly and he drowned. I guess all the wind, rain and lightning just made the water very difficult to stay afloat in. He was a very cautious guy, so if he knew or saw the storm coming, he wouldn't have swam out. It was just a mistake that turned out to be dangerous. It's very sad.. and i still can't believe it happened to such a nice guy like him.

I am not sure how you would feel about this, but as you are a 14 year old, talk to your school counselor. I teach middle school kids so I know that kids of your age can have a hard time making sense of your feelings. Between the stresses of school, home, and life in general, any unexpected interruption no minor or major it may be can seen larger than life. Even if they can not help you in the ways that you feel satisfactory, they may be able to point you in the direction that will. The loss of someone close to you f>(k!#& sucks, but it happens. I feel for your loss and hope for the best for you and the ones close to you and him.

Namaste,

~Todd

Yup i actually did yesterday. He was helpful, but i don't know him very well since i just started high school, so it was a little awkward. Sometime i may go down to the middle school and talk to the counselor there.. i know her a lot better. But it was nice just getting some ideas from him on how to cope with the loss.

There is a good organization dedicated to help kids deal with the death of someone close, usually family members. Look up Comfort Zone Camps. They helped my 14 year old when our oldest son died. All fees are covered by donations. Sorry for your loss

Thanks, i'll have to look into that. Sounds like a cool organization.

 

[mizu-chan]

It's all been said before but I really am very sorry for your loss. I know there must be a wave of emotions in you right now so don't rush with trying to make yourself feel better all at once. Take it one day at a time and soon you'll only be able to think about all of the wonderful things you experienced with him. Just know that everyone here is behind you 100% of the way.

 

[funkyfish]

Sorry to hear about your loss.
It's never easy to loose someone close to you. I know exactly what you going through I lost a lot of friends and family in the past 9 years to accident, suicide, murder just to name a few, it was hard for me to deal with it all and I still deal with some of the stuff but I promise it does gets better, time does heal all. It's hard to give advice in these situations, all I can suggest is remember good times, cry, be angry if you need too, also if you need to take couple of days off school do that. Giving yourself grieving time is a good thing. Another thing that helped me is I got a tattoo to represent each person and having a beer is always a good thing but you are too young for these things instead talking to someone like your parents or a close friend should help a lot.
Again I am sorry to hear about your loss. My condolences.

 

[speedie408]

Sorry for your loss. I've lost my dad, grandma, grandpa, and first cousin so I've got some experience so to say. Like sewing said, let it all out. Cry if you have to. It's just natural. Don't try to hide your feelings. Let people see how you really feel. After a good amount of time has passed, you'll still be able to remember all the good things and tell stories to your future kids about that person. He/she will always have their place in your heart.

It's all part of life. When you fall down, you just have to pick yourself back up and keep on going until you can't go any more.

Stay positive and it'll all be OK.

 

[funkyfish]

Well i just went outside and noticed there were 4 lilly flowers open. I've never seen 4 bloomed at once, we've usually only had two at a time in our pond.

The evening i found out about his accident, i went outside and sat by the pond since the sound of the waterfall relaxes me. Maybe 4 bloomed for a purpose.

I believe that people we loose are beside us and always looking over us. After I lost my grandpa I found my cat who came to me in a very weird way, like we were supposed to be with each other, sounds weird but I truly believe that things like that happen.

 

[Centromochlus]

Thank you so much for all of your replies guys, it means a lot to me.

Over time i will get better. All of you have helped me in some way just by posting once or twice. I really appreciate everyone stopping by just to help me in whatever way you could.

I have a new outlook on his passing now, thanks to all of you.