The Planted Tank Forum banner
1 - 7 of 7 Posts

·
Registered
Joined
·
536 Posts
Discussion Starter · #1 ·
I'm freaking out, I don't knwo what to do

my boyfriend, we live together, well over 2 years now, his grandmother just dcalled me

said his dad died

i have to tell him

how do you tell someone that?

hes at work, landscapeing

i dont want to make him upset at work but he needs to know i cant just NOT tell him his FATHER died, i cant wait until he comes home

thats not right

he needs to know and call his mother shes still at the hospital

this is the hardest thing ive ever had to do

at least if he was in person i could hold him so he wasnt alone when he hears it

this is so terrible

how do you tell someone their father died?

im sorry if this is a sensitive topic for any of you but i really dont know how to do it, im so scared for him, for him hearing it i cant stop shakeing

pleaase if anyone could tell me how to go about this ..

i have some time before he reaches the next job, i dont dare tell him while he drives
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
283 Posts
I am assuming this was a surprise. The best thing you could do is contact his boss and make sure it will not be catastrophic if he leaves for the day at least.

He should not be working today after hearing this kind of news. Call and let him know to come home as soon as possible and tell him in person.

Be there for him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
44 Posts
Talk to his Boss beforehand would make things easier.

Take him somewhere, where he can sit down look him in the eye and tell him. Do it as quick as possible. He will appreciate it. And most importantly be there for him.
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
974 Posts
Sorry to hear the news :(

I had to tell my buddy his Dad died suddenly a few years back - no one could get a hold of him so they paged me to have me find him and let him know.

Letting his boss know you are going to tell him is a good thing to do first. You also want to do it in person, I would go to his work and let him know now. When people get a shocking news like that, they can sometimes perseverate on little things like "why didn't you tell me right away?"

good luck, and my condolences
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
974 Posts
you can also have him sit down or be somewhere where he has space to try take in the news. I would tell him in a straightforeward way as well, in 2-3 sentences. If you have any of the other info on the circumstances, that would be helpful as he will likely ask those types of questions. If not, have him call his family after you give him the news....
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
3,378 Posts
Like other people have already hinted at or expressed, a very important aspect of this is to not draw it out. This is one of those things where you have to be succinct about it and get it out quickly and in a couple of sentences. It's very important to put it all out there and let his synapses slowly register what you've told him. Then you will look him in the eyes and embrace him, and he will know this is real, and reality will begin to sink in. He'll probably be in shock about it, but that's natural.

I was at work the day that I found out a friend of mine took his own life. My girlfriend found out first, and she called me all hysterical and told me about it, and I think because of the fact that it was over the phone, it took me a while for it all to sink in. It didn't sound like truth or something. So I highly recommend telling him in person, too.

May you have the strength to tell him what he needs to know, and how he needs to hear it. I'll keep you both in my prayers...
 

·
Registered
Joined
·
720 Posts
People here are giving good advice. I was in Newfoundland at the time when my mom called from the hospital. She said "vanessa come home, hes not going to make it through the night." Those words still ring through my head. It was only 3 months ago but If they had not told me until I got back so I could enjoy my vacation, I would have been even more upset.
Keep it as simple as possible because a lot is going to go through his head and the initial shock is really bad. I completely fell apart because it too was very unexpected. Just be there for him. Trying to use words to comfort dont really mean much after you hear that its just being there and holding them that was the best. While he is in shock perhaps you could get things ready for the trip to the hospital to see his mom. pack a small bag of things just in case you cant leave for a while. You drive the vehicle, dont even let him touch the keys. He may say its ok for you to go home but dont. Being there and showing that you can support him in the worst times will mean a lot and i mean a lot.
I hope things go as smooth as possible given the situation.
good luck and god bless
 
1 - 7 of 7 Posts
Top