How do I tell a friend to take better care of their betta?

2324 Views 26 Replies 18 Participants Last post by Summerland_Aquatics, Apr 28, 2017

Allaunis

Discussion Starter · Apr 26, 2017

So I have a friend who was given a betta fish at work, along with the rest of her coworkers. They all keep their new bettas at work in a tiny little bowl, no heater, no filter, no live plants, nothing. As soon as she told me about it I was shocked, but calmly tried to tell her that putting him in a bigger bowl would be ideal, preferably with a heater. She replied "He has a light, he's happy." She is one of those people who thinks that if an animal is alive, then they are fine.

I don't want to push her, as I am not a pushy person and never like to tell people what to do, but I am horrified that she and all of her coworkers are housing probably 10 bettas at work in tiny bowls. I've heard that some people think bowls are fine but honestly just because you CAN house them in tiny bowls doesn't mean you SHOULD. I already offered to give her some of my old equipment (a heater, a filter, gravel, etc.) but she turned it down saying he was happy how he is. I am thinking about buying him from her. Anyone else been in this situation or have any advice?

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kyle3

· #2 · Apr 26, 2017

That's a tough one, pushing too hard risks causing her to dig in her heels.

Is there another friend or acquaintance that you might enlist as an ally? Perhaps someone you know she has tons of respect for? Or try making inroads with one of the other coworkers who is more receptive? Maybe if one of them improves conditions for their betta the others will feel compelled to follow suit.

Good luck, persuasion is a difficult art.

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Allaunis

Discussion Starter · #3 · Apr 26, 2017

That's a good point, I am really trying not to push her because I just know she will push back and take it personally. We do have a mutual friend that she really seems to like who keeps bettas, I may get her to back me up or maybe talk to her. Thanks for your advice, I hope we can get care for the betta while keeping her from getting upset.

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jeffkrol

· #4 · Apr 26, 2017

Best way is lead by example..
don't tell them a better way.. show them..even if only temporary for you..
https://www.google.com/shopping/pro...Nq7vgDQ&lsft=gclid:CNnOrcPZwtMCFYa4wAodPzAB_A

exteme example..

make their little bowls look pathetic..

normally the best you will get is a compromise.. if yours live longer..

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AquaAurora

· #5 · Apr 26, 2017

Show them bettafish.com- show them these links, will hopefully inspire them to want to give a better home.. also that site has a lot of great info on proper betta care, encourage them to join and look around the site!
Betta Fish and Betta Fish Care
Planted Tank Show and Tell!! - Betta Fish and Betta Fish Care
point out how 90+% of the tanks are 2g and larger, second link are all planted tanks, and most have filters and heaters.

Reactions: 1

sohankpatel

· #6 · Apr 26, 2017

I cant help, but my parents are the same way with 3 goldfish in a 10g. It's terrible.

Allaunis

Discussion Starter · #7 · Apr 26, 2017

jeffkrol said:
Best way is lead by example..
don't tell them a better way.. show them..even if only temporary for you..
https://www.google.com/shopping/pro...Nq7vgDQ&lsft=gclid:CNnOrcPZwtMCFYa4wAodPzAB_A

exteme example..

make their little bowls look pathetic..

normally the best you will get is a compromise.. if yours live longer..

That's a good idea too. I've actually shown her my tank quite a few times. Its a 10 gallon fully planted, the works. She always rolls her eyes and says that's excessive for a fish and that I'm being ridiculous. Maybe if she keeps seeing how well my fish is doing as well as the plants, she will be inspired to do better by her pets

Bump:

AquaAurora said:
Show them bettafish.com- show them these links, will hopefully inspire them to want to give a better home.. also that site has a lot of great info on proper betta care, encourage them to join and look around the site!
Betta Fish and Betta Fish Care
Planted Tank Show and Tell!! - Betta Fish and Betta Fish Care
point out how 90+% of the tanks are 2g and larger, second link are all planted tanks, and most have filters and heaters.

Wow those are great looking tanks on that site! Maybe seeing those will convince her to upgrade her setup

Reactions: 1

jrill

· #8 · Apr 26, 2017

Why do you folks think the fish are unhappy.. are fish even capable of that feeling.

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kyle3

· #9 · Apr 26, 2017

jrill said:
Why do you folks think the fish are unhappy.. are fish even capable of that feeling.

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Are you trolling?

It's well established that bettas need room to swim, heat, filtration or excessively frequent water changes, and varied, high-quality diets to thrive.

Arguably if you're going to keep a pet you are ethically obliged to provide healthy conditions for it, as it has no choice in the matter.

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Allaunis

Discussion Starter · #10 · Apr 26, 2017

sohankpatel said:
I cant help, but my parents are the same way with 3 goldfish in a 10g. It's terrible.

Oh my god that's awful...Awful for the fish but I also don't want to imagine how dirty that tank must be haha

jrill

· #11 · Apr 26, 2017

kyle3 said:
Are you trolling?

It's well established that bettas need room to swim, heat, filtration or excessively frequent water changes, and varied, high-quality diets to thrive.

Arguably if you're going to keep a pet you are ethically obliged to provide healthy conditions for it, as it has no choice in the matter.

No I'm not trolling. I just think too many people think their fish need much more room ect. than they really need. And yes you should provide what the fish needs as best you can. But from the fishes requirements not ours.

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JJ09

· #12 · Apr 27, 2017

Do they look distressed? My kids' dentist has two bettas in very small tanks in her office- looks like one or two gallons at most, with colored marbles and a fake pink plant is all. The fish are always just completely still in a corner. They don't have clamped or ragged fins, look ok in terms of physical health, but never react to people being near, never look interested in anything in their environment. To me that seems like an unhappy fish.

But I never say anything. I doubt they would change it.

One of my daughter's friends, their family has an old ten or 20g tank that is nearly empty- just some fake decor tons of dark algae, very dim and it has one survivor from all their previous fishes- a cory cat. It is always hiding. I have to think that fish is lonely and miserable too. But I can't bring myself to say anything to them, either. It's their fish and I don't want to be nosy. If I knew them better, I might find a way to educate... without sounding judgemental... that is hard to do

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TropicalAquarist

· #13 · Apr 27, 2017

@jrill, we don't know if they are "happy" or not, BUT in a bowl without filtration or plants, ammonia will rise quickly and ammonia is toxic to fish and will burn their gills, and eventually kill them.

So yes, in this case we DO know the fish is unhappy, because it is in pain.

@OP, keep us updated on what she says!

Reactions: 1

Zoidburg

· #14 · Apr 27, 2017

Any possible way to get together a small little tank with heater, light, filtration and some easy plants??? Set it up and get it cycled, then take it in as a "donation" for one of the betas?

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Dman911

· #15 · Apr 27, 2017

Personally over the years of breeding fish and the culling that goes along with it and several other experiences I have become somewhat desensitized to the matter but I always strive to maintain excellent conditions for the fish I'm keeping out of not only habit or attempting to breed but healthy fish are much easier to care for. My approach is to try and inform in the least judgmental way possible of what good practices are for the type of fish a person is keeping. If they appear interested I will continue if they brush it off I just stop and don't look back. I don't feel its worth straining a relationship over. This is part of the hobby unfortunately people can sell and give away fish without any requirement for understanding of proper care and I would say about 90% or higher of the fish kept in the aquarium hobby are kept in extremely poor conditions (yes the aquarists on this and other forums who take time to learn are probably less than 5% if fish keepers). I think back to my first time with no experience and I can admit that was the case. The most we can hope for is that people take an interest and try to educate themselves and others. If I were to let it bother me every time I seen fish kept in atrocious conditions I would not be able to remain in the hobby. So I do like I said... try to educate and move on.

Just my take on it

Dan

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Fish Em

· #16 · Apr 27, 2017

It sounds like you did your part and beyond. You can't force someone to take care of their fish. You can force someone to take care of their kids or have kids to better home- by calling the cops. Not so effective with fish.

It's a lost cause.

PierreSchoon

· #17 · Apr 27, 2017

Fish Em said:
It sounds like you did your part and beyond. You can't force someone to take care of their fish. You can force someone to take care of their kids or have kids to better home- by calling the cops. Not so effective with fish.

It's a lost cause.

Can't agree more than this. Your friend is convinced that when the fish is eating and swimming he is happy. Even if it is is in pee soup and the cheepest food. Basic fish care isn't teached to every fish keeper. Yes the fish mught survive in a bowl, even if it is only 1G or less but not ideal. Rather than forcing this person to go bigger explain to them that bowl is a closed system, everything that goes in stays in. If they don't do dayley wc the fish will die. If they add live plants to the bowl they only need to do this every second day. But if the go bigger in water volume they only need to do it once a week. In the end they might realize that it is better for the fish or be more stubborn and kick in their heels.

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ichthyogeek

· #18 · Apr 27, 2017

Unfortunately, this is a problem...people just don't realize that fish are animals like dogs and cats, and due to the degree of separation, they treat them like disposable decorations.
I agree that showing how beautiful and active a betta can be is the best way to show that just because your friend's betta is alive does not mean that it is happy. (Anthropomorphizing of fish aside and whatnot...) Enlisting your friend would also be a good idea as well. However, you've done what you can, and that's really the best you can do. It sucks, I know, but once the coworker realizes that she lost her betta because she didn't take care of it as much as you (I'm presuming that you received a betta too) took care of yours, and she realizes that hers was actually not thriving, then maybe she'll do her best to learn.

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Allaunis

Discussion Starter · #19 · Apr 27, 2017

Thank you all for your thoughts and advice. She brought it up again yesterday and showed me a picture of the betta. I took the opportunity to try and talk with her about possibly getting a heater for him, but made sure to keep the conversation upbeat and positive, instead of judgmental. She also made a comment that she had taken care of a few betta when she was younger, and that they lived upwards of 5 years, so she knew what she was doing. I'm not sure about the validity of that, as I remember seeing a betta she kept in her room a long time ago in a larger tank that also had no heater or filter and was absolutely covered in algae. I had no idea about proper fish care at the time so I didn't say anything.

She said she would look into getting a heater (which I think was just an excuse to get me to stop talking lol), but otherwise we had a nice chat and she didn't seem upset. I think I'll take the advice of some of you on here and just stop bringing it up, and hopefully since I was so adamant (and probably annoying) about giving her betta advice she will also stop bringing it up. I have said my peace and whether or not she wants to provide better conditions for her betta is up to her. I don't want to lose her as a friend and all I can do is hope for the best for all of those fish.

I have to say though, I have lost a lot of respect for her after this...

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Malakian

· #20 · Apr 27, 2017

All this makes me appreciate my LPS (local pet shop) effort. They have signs all over the aquarium section that says "We will not sell you any fish for a bowl/vase or aquarium without filter".

I guess you as a customer could still lie and do it, but at least they are trying.

Hope you get it sorted though some how.

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