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Discussion Starter #1 (Edited)
I have a hypothetical situation I would like to present here, and I would be interested in anyone's opinions on the matter:


Jack and Jill have been in a serious relationship for over 3 years. During that time, Jack became well aware of how much a certain book means to Jill. She always references lines in the book, and even pulls it out and reads passages aloud to her friends sometimes. Hell, she even uses the name of the book as her security password to get water from the well at the top of the hill!

Jack is not oblivious to this at all. He engages in her conversations about the book, or the author, and even bought her the DVD of the movie-version of the book. So there is no question that Jack is aware of how much that book means to her.

Well, one day, after fetching a pail of water after a long day's work, they are sitting around the dinner table, and Jack nonchalantly mentions that he lent Jill's book out to a girl he works with, and how wonderful it is to be able to turn someone else on to this author's work.

At this point, Jill's smile vanished and she said, "Wait... you lent my book out to someone?"

"Well, yes, we were talking about books and authors, and I mentioned this one to her, and she had never read any of his books, so I thought I would come to the rescue," replied Jack.

"But... it was my book," said Jill. "And not just any book, but my favorite book! The one that I frequently take off the shelf and quote passages from! Why did you think it was okay to do that?"

"I don't know," replied Jack. "I didn't think you would mind, I mean, you've read it a million and one times... I thought you would be happy to have an opportunity to turn someone else on to the book. I don't think I did anything wrong."

"But Honey," said Jill, "you know how much I love that book, how much it means to me, and how I love to quote passages... I don't understand why you thought it would be okay!"

At this point, Jack got angry and said, "Well Jill, I guess you are just not interested in turning other people on to this author. I guess you just want to be selfish and keep him all to yourself, don't you?"

Jill was taken aback. Did he really just say that? Did he really just spin this around on me? Is he trying to make me feel bad about liking this book so much that I never want to be without it? I've turned DOZENS of people on to this book! But my way of doing so has always been to go buy a copy of it and present it as a gift... not to lend out my only copy of it!

"Okay," she said. "It's obvious that you don't understand the intrinsic value of that book to me, but I want to move forward here... just, please, go back into work tomorrow and ask for it back. You can even save face by blaming it all on me. You can tell her, 'My girlfriend is stupid, I'm sorry, but I'll need that book back because she's such a bitch,' and that way you won't have to look like you've done anything wrong. I just want my book back."

Jack sighed, sarcastically. "Look, I wasn't going to say anything, but I planned on buying you another copy of the book for Christmas anyway, so relax! Your copy is falling apart anyway."

"BUT YOU'RE MISSING THE POINT!!!" screamed Jill. "It wasn't your book to lend out! It wasn't even a book that I procured during my relationship with you! It was a book from my childhood that I've treasured deeply, and this was never a secret to you! Why are you acting this way? Is it pride?! Just please accept that you made a mistake, and now fix it, PLEASE!"

That night Jill put it behind her and hoped that the following day Jack would come home with her book in hand. Much to her dismay, though, this did not happen. So she filed it away in the depths of her mind, saying to herself that none of us are perfect, and yes Jack made a mistake, and yes it was very insensitive of him, but I love him, and it's just a book, right?

But as the weeks went on, she couldn't help but think about it... it's not the actual act of what happened that was still bothering her... it's the implications therein! My boyfriend, the one I love, flat out refused to accept any wrongdoing, and furthermore, even attempted to make me feel bad about my reaction! This saddened her deeply, but she kept loving him and forgiving him.

Then one day Jack and Jill were having an unrelated argument, and the topic of the book resurfaced. Four weeks had passed since the incident took place, and Jack never so much as apologized, so it was bound to get brought up again. Jill took the opportunity to find out if, a month later, Jack had thought any differently of his role in the event.

"You know, I've forgiven you for giving my book away, but you've still never apologized. Please tell me that by now you are aware that you shouldn't have given my book out, and that you were insensitive to me when I was upset about it," she said.

"I still think you are overreacting," he replied. "It's just a book, and I thought you would be happy to turn other people on to it. Fine, I'll get it back tomorrow, are you happy now?!"

"NO, I'M NOT!!" screamed Jill. "I wanted the book back 4 weeks ago, and I expressed that to you in no uncertain terms! Yet here we are, 4 weeks later, and I still don't have the book! No! I've already written the book off and accepted that for whatever reason, it's not meant to be in my possession anymore! It's just, I was HOPING that you would see how what you did was thoughtless and insensitive... I was HOPING for a little redemption. But I can see that will never happen, so it makes me wonder if we're actually meant to be together!"

"OVER A BOOK?!" yelled Jack.

"No," replied Jill. "Over a strong sense of pride that prevents you from admitting when you wronged me."

"Whatever," mumbled Jack, as he nonchalantly got in bed and pulled the covers over himself. Without skipping a beat, and with no apparent difficulty whatsoever, he was soon fast asleep.

With tears in her eyes and a broken heart, Jill left the room and cried herself to sleep on the couch.



First of all, I thank you for making it to the end of my long story! Now, would anyone like to weigh in with their thoughts on this matter? Is Jack an a-hole? Is Jill overreacting? Are there any implications within the actions that either of them took?

I appreciate everyone's input. This is based on a true story, and involves some people I know. (Did I even need to say that?)
 

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Children Boogie
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it's her stuff. why would jack give it to some random person?

It's like Jill was talking about fish with a co-worker and decides to give Jack's fish away, assuming Jack has fish.... uhmmmm
 

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it's her stuff. why would jack give it to some random person?

It's like Jill was talking about fish with a co-worker and decide to give Jack's fish away, assuming Jack has fish.... uhmmmm
I wouldn't loan out, much less give away, my wife's Eddie Bauer summer catalog without asking first.
 

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Jack is in trouble. At first I was going to guess that it was you and your girlfriend and the book was twilight. But I know that at least the book is wrong.

I don't think Jill is over reacting. There are some books that have a lot more value that just the story written in it. For example, I am church going person and my personal set of scriptures is something I would not like given to someone.

From the story it sounds like you heard the story from Jill's point of view. It is also possible that Jack thinks he has apologized. He really should have gotten the book back by now though.
 

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Children Boogie
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Jack not only should apologize but also acknowledge BOUNDARIES. You guys might be in a relationship but it doesn't mean everything of hers is yours including her. She can drop your @$$ on the curb anytime she wants.
 

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ShrimpRetirement
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Sounds all too familiar. I've been with my wife for 13 years so I can definitely relate to your story. I think Jack is in the wrong here because he lent the book out knowing it was Jill's pride n joy. Yes, it's just a book but its the thought that matters here. My wife did the same thing with my car one time without asking me permission first. She knew that car was my baby, yet she didn't even bother to ask me first. Same ordeal. She was wrong and so is Jack.
 

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Jacks an a$$ for lending out something obviously sentimental. Jill needs to weigh the value of the book against the value of Jack. If Jack means a lot to her, just tell Jack about the issue, ask for a sincere apology but drop it thereafter. Don't bring it up as ammunition in future fights, don't constantly remind him how much he screwed up.

If this ruins the relationship, Jack and Jill have other problems. A book, on its own, should never ruin a healthy relationship.
 

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Jack's wrong...and 4 weeks later Jack is still wrong.

4 weeks is a long time. I prefer resolution within 24 hours (and no more than 48), and my wife can always tell when I'm still irked and I can tell the same of her.
 

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Either Jack is a moron who enjoys causing strife in his relationships or there is some other underlying problem. Now maybe he replaces it with a signed limited release of the same book at Christmas as a surprise, I could see that but not just letting someone he works with borrow it. Rule of thumb with lending books, cds, and dvds you rarely get them back, and they will always be in worse condition if you do get them back. Jill even gave him a way out. Jack sounds like he is just comfortable.
 

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Jill may be on the way out of this relationship even if she hasn't realized it yet. Jack has proven himself to be insensitive and untrustworthy. If Jill finds out he posted here I'd expect her heart will be in a few more pieces.

While forgive and forget is an interesting concept, most people can do one or the other, but not both. Unless Jack is ready to commit more fully - marriage - and Jill accepts with no hesitation, couples therapy should be an immediate investment. Or start dividing the CDs.
 

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Discussion Starter #14
I've been reading everyone's comments, and I *really* appreciate them all. I also hope others will continue to respond with their own thoughts on the matter, so please, keep them coming.

One thing I want to say, just for the record, because I don't want anyone to hate me (at least, for the wrong reasons anyway)...

I am *not* Jack. Cross my heart and hope to die, I am NOT Jack. Just wanted to throw that out there, lol. But this is a real situation that I've told here, and I've told it as 100% truthfully as I possibly can, to the best of my knowledge. I am simply genuinely concerned about the relationship of 2 people I know.

So now that everyone knows I'm *not* Jack, please continue with the commentary.

:)
 

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Children Boogie
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lol


actually I have a moral and ethics issue as well but don't want to hijack the thread.. it's a couples dilemma as well.

real quick:
A friend of mine said she got engaged. I don't like the guy or the relationship. Nothing wrong really. They just make a really boring couple and she won't grow with this guy. I told her a half-hearted congrats. I know what the answer is but if you guys like to give your opinion, go for it.
 

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Dude, its a book. If you love something you should let it go, and if it's meant to be, it'll come back, hahaha. I hate that proverb. Clearly the book is going to come back. The other person is going to read it, enjoy it hopefully, and then go and tell others about it too, all the while, once the reading is done, the book will be given back to Jack and in turn, to Jill.
Jill should be happy that Jack notices how much that book means to her, and the enjoyment she gets out of it, and the willingness he showed to share her joy.
One other word: Share. Its something most grown-ups teach their kids, yet I'm not sure if Jill has kids, given the fact she isn't willing to share.
I lent my sister my two day old, brand new, Sugarland CD 'Love on the Inside: Deluxe Fan Edition' and then she lent it to a friend and within that span of two days, it was broken in half. Was I mad, eff no. Its a cd. Its a plastic little disc. Lifes to short to complain about such juvenile things. Don't cry over spilled milk- and it's all spilled milk.

Life throws you curves, and you learn to swerve.
 

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Obviously if its still bothering Jill, it means a lot to her. Jack should apologize and get the book back.

quick question for you Church.....is Jack really that dense?


lol


actually I have a moral and ethics issue as well but don't want to hijack the thread.. it's a couples dilemma as well.

real quick:
A friend of mine said she got engaged. I don't like the guy or the relationship. Nothing wrong really. They just make a really boring couple and she won't grow with this guy. I told her a half-hearted congrats. I know what the answer is but if you guys like to give your opinion, go for it.
edit: eh, id voice your concerns and see what happens.
 
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