emotionally attached to your fish? - The Planted Tank Forum
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post #1 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 01:56 PM Thread Starter
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emotionally attached to your fish?

My wife doesn't enjoy fish tanks. It's pretty much my hobby, but she does enjoy looking at them from time to time. I had a spare 10g sitting around, in an attempt to get her more interested in the aquatic world. I let her help design the tank. The tank really came together and we spent a few weeks picking out a betta. Recently her betta has come down with either bloat or dropsy, but I don't really have the "pine cone" look just yet. The heater broke in the tank, and ups delayed the delivery of my eheim by 3 days. So he sent a week in 70* temps. I feel really really really bad that we are potentially going to loose him. Am I a wuss for get a upset about the potential loss of this fish? I love me fish, but this one has just hit me hard for some reason.
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post #2 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 02:08 PM
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Not at all. I had a female beta for 3 months (saved if from a friend who kept it in a pint of water).

She died because I didn't QT my danios from petsmart (lost half the tank as well). I felt her loss stronger than the others just because I wanted to save her - and I ended up killing her.

They are majestic fish, there is no shame in loving them.
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post #3 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 02:11 PM
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perhaps your distraught is due to how your wife might react? Maybe subconsciously you are worried that she might see it as a failure and lose interest in your hobby? That would be my guess...

My wife doesn't really care, her input was she didn't like the "fake" look of my 55 gal tank so wanted me to make it look more realistic, that's why I planted it... I also thought maybe with the plants she might get more interested since she has a bit of a green thumb and likes keeping house plants and works in the horticulture department at Michigan state university... has a bachelors degree in microscopy in which she studied a lot of algaes and such, and a masters degree in plant biology, has her microscope and slides of different algaes / diatoms at home... so I thought maybe I could get her more involved, but she doesn't really care to get involved, she looks in the tanks and comments about them every so often but otherwise they are just there...

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post #4 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 02:22 PM Thread Starter
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She know's Taiko is sick, and knows I'm doing everything possible to try and save him. She said she'd just go pick another one out if he did pass. I just hate loosing animals, be it dog or fish ect.
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post #5 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 02:25 PM
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Originally Posted by rininger85 View Post
perhaps your distraught is due to how your wife might react? Maybe subconsciously you are worried that she might see it as a failure and lose interest in your hobby? That would be my guess...
wow... forum psychologist...

anyway. yeah, it sucks to do everything you can only to lose the fish. especially ones with some personality behind them.

if i lost either of my kribensis i'd be pretty bummed because I've had them for 2 years now.


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post #6 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 02:34 PM
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wow... forum psychologist...
nah... psychologist wouldn't say they "guessed" they would convince you that is what the problem is and tell you why you need to spend the next several months of your life paying them outrageous amounts of money to help you through your problem..

So, for a small fee of $250 an hour I'll help you understand that fish do get sick and die some times and some times there is nothing we can do about it =)

--Rob--

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post #7 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 02:59 PM
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I enjoy my schooling fish (endlers, tetra, etc) and care about them as a group--it sucks to lose any fish--but I can't say I'm particularly emotionally attached to them outside of my responsibility to ensure their continued health and wellbeing.

My cory sterbai, however, are another matter. I love these little guys and since I've had 'em for almost ten years now they've come to be distinct individuals with their own personalities and characteristics. I didn't have my angelfish Fred (the one in my avatar) anywhere near as long, but it was wrenching when I had to euthanize him--again, a case of a very social/responsive fish with a distinct "personality".
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post #8 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 03:04 PM
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I left the SW side of the hobby a couple of years ago following "strike 3" and 13 years of insanity.

In the final days of winding it down, I was left with just a few fish and sent the most special one to a LFS that specializes in SW. I gave him away based on the promise that he never be sold and kept as a "store pet". It wasn't a tough sell.

I still go to visit "Lazerus" every so often. He's still just a goofy happy camper in his new home.

One of only three fish I've ever named after almost 50 years in the hobby.

Yup, it happens.
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post #9 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 03:32 PM
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After 45 years of keeping fish, I don't get attached to most. But there is something about bettas. Each one has their own personality and they can be so interactive. I've even set up an old twenty gallon tank just for a betta I wanted to save.

BTW, the betta in the picture you posted in the other post does have dropsy. His scales may not be fully sticking out yet, but they are starting to. They should be laying flatter than that.

2 2.5s, 3 10s, 2 20s, 1 29. Low light, low tech. Ponds
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post #10 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 04:01 PM Thread Starter
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at what point do I make the decision to put him down? What's the best way to put him down that doesn't require me cutting the head off?
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post #11 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 04:05 PM
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I always swore I'd never get into keeping larger fish for this exact reason.

Then I bought a fishroom off a guy that was getting outta the hobby and rescued a Socolfi cichlid he was just going to dump on the ground if I didnt want him. Needless to say I wound up using one of the 75g for a Cichlid tank. Then I got big into Lake Malawi Cichlids and started collecting Peacocks. My wife bought me a mated pair of Lemon Jacks ( Aulonocara jacobfreibergi). Beautiful fish, friendly, great personality. Then woke up one morning and noticed him wedged between a rock and background....dead apparently he was being chased and tried to run and got stuck. I was angry...like cussing & ranting angry. Then to make matters worse about 2 weeks later his mate died, it was sad because after his death she wouldn't eat.

Ive learned with any type of intelligent acting fish it's very easy to get atrached to. I truely love my African cichlids, Rams, Appistogramas, Pea Puffers & The wifes Betra & Angelfish. Their personalities make them seem more human.

My shrimp, tetras & Endler/guppies not so much. I care for them but not devastated if they die

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post #12 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 04:31 PM
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Ive learned with any type of intelligent acting fish it's very easy to get atrached to.

That pretty much sums up my thoughts on the matter, I keep microfish and shrimp rather than larger fish so that I don't get too attached. Not that I have a lot of fish deaths but just the expectation of the inevitable is enough for me to avoid, I don't like feeling sad over what is a calming hobby for me.
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post #13 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 05:42 PM
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Every once in awhile one grabs your heart. Might be because the way they interact with you the way they show off or for being a survivor either way your captured

Last edited by partobe; 12-13-2013 at 05:43 PM. Reason: spelling
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post #14 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 06:42 PM
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When I first began keeping fish about age 17, I thought a juvie clown loach was diseased. Whether or not it was, I pulled it out of my tank and killed it on a cutting board. I can still see his little eyeball looking at me like, HEY WTF! Afterwards I immediately felt sick to my stomach and it always stuck with me that I had other options to help it, and that that life was my responsibility. I don't name my fish, I don't talk to them, but I do become attached in that sense. I still feel bad about it and have always done the best I can to give my fish a happy life, because when they're happy, I am.

OP: There is nothing wrong with how you feel. You are doing your vest to help and that's all you can do.
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post #15 of 27 (permalink) Old 12-13-2013, 06:51 PM
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I am emotionally attached to these little monsters...



I've never had this happen with other fish. I really want to get their tank out of our living room--it's too big--but I can't.
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