Spouse Acceptance Factor is a powerful force in my house - The Planted Tank Forum
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post #1 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 04:03 AM Thread Starter
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Spouse Acceptance Factor is a powerful force in my house

A lighthearted thread about the Spouse Acceptance Factor. It is a powerful force in my house and I wanted to see how my fellow enthusiast handle this phenomenon.

I tend to reduce the actual price I paid. ūü§[censored]
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post #2 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 04:17 AM
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I was a thousand miles away for work last month and my wife came downstairs and discovered that about half of my 55 gallon's water was on the floor and in the drywall.

No I don't know what happened. Perhaps the hang on back filter got jammed up and overflowed? It was put away outside when I came home.

Spousal acceptance is now much lower.

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post #3 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 07:38 AM
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Acceptance is mandatory itís very hard to run this hobby without acceptance from the spouse especially when doing planted setups which are very involving and also we tend to get into MTS.

Acceptance does not imply involvement. Involvement is very subjective. My spouse MAY ask me about a new scape adjustment or new tank inhabitants may be after 2-3 months or never.


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post #4 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 09:58 PM Thread Starter
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Oh no!!! I am so sorry to hear that! Hopefully you have a new project that you are working on.

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post #5 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 11:00 PM
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I tell my wife the truth on purchase costs because we both work full time and our income is ours, not just hers or mine. Having said that, I have been known to set up an aquarium while she is out of town! But I owned a local fish store (that is now a pet supply shop) and have about 75 empty tanks left and most equipment needed so flora and fauna is mostly all I have to pay for out of pocket. My situation is different than it ever was in previous relationships. My wife simply does not have expensive hobbies, a love of shoes and handbags, or much of anything that costs much money. I love target shooting, archery, aquariums, gardening, houseplants, and cooking. All at rather high levels -at least in terms of what I think I need. With former long term live-in girlfriends we had agreements that either we use our own money for our expenses, or talked about it and came to compromises. Now I'm with someone who paints and draws, hikes and bikes, and bakes bread and desserts. Most of her clothes come from Goodwill. The amount of $ I need each month is year's worth of her activities' costs. This is partly why I put a ring on it though to be perfectly honest!

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post #6 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-29-2020, 11:05 PM
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Not in my house or living room is a tough nut to crack. I have learned thru the years that I need to get buy in on the look of the Aqurium. The good part is that if you get the wife involved you can end up with a much bigger budget than before. My new tank build is top notch because she enjoyed the planted tanks I have set in the house before going big. So nice Aqurium stand and ADA equipment. An approved lighting that are not ugly.
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post #7 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-31-2020, 02:00 PM
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My husband actually encouraged me to get back into the hobby for my birthday back in February. I had been talking about it more and more but was hesitant to get back into the hobby because we live very rural and I already have a lot to take care of/spend money on/keep alive. But he said he wanted to see me have a tank because I lit up when I talked about it (this is why I married him!). So he bought me the tank, which we got used, and gave me some birthday money to buy what I needed to get going.

Now I do the maintenance (aka, fish harassment) and buy the supplies, but he absolutely loves watching the fish and brags about the tank to his coworkers and friends. It's very sweet and encouraging. A gigantic tank in a custom built cabinet came up for sale on FB Marketplace, which I sent him as a joke. He was ready to drive out to buy it, but I actually pumped the breaks on that one. I did, however, end up with a 5 gallon Marineland Contour with a betta next to the TV.

So I'm fortunate that spousal acceptance is enthusiastic in my case!
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post #8 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-31-2020, 02:08 PM
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My significant other is pretty laid back about things. The one thing I did that made it OK was let her pick the fish for the tank (with my approval on compatibility). I also sell the heck out of it anytime I have to make a purchase. For example, pressurized co2 was so I didn't have to fight with the DIY method anymore leaving us more time to hang out. That seemed to have worked.

The pea puffer tank was all her idea so once again, she picked the fish and I did the tank.

Acceptance factor - HIGH
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post #9 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-31-2020, 02:42 PM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by EdWiser View Post
Not in my house or living room is a tough nut to crack. I have learned thru the years that I need to get buy in on the look of the Aqurium. The good part is that if you get the wife involved you can end up with a much bigger budget than before. My new tank build is top notch because she enjoyed the planted tanks I have set in the house before going big. So nice Aqurium stand and ADA equipment. An approved lighting that are not ugly.

This is exactly how, when I haven't even built a tank yet, my wife went from bemusement, to curiosity, to attention. We are already planning one for her desk and last week she looked at a 3' section of empty wall space in the living room and brought up that the "right" tank would look really nice there.



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post #10 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-31-2020, 03:34 PM
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My significant other keeps telling me we are a 2 fish tank house. I have 3 fish tanks and a new riparium tank on it's way. Hahaha! She did give me permission(?!) to set up a fish room in the basement. Now I just need to level the floor, rewire the space, heat the space during winter and makes some cabinets. HA!
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post #11 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-31-2020, 03:42 PM
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My husband actually encouraged me to get back into the hobby for my birthday back in February.
Same! Well, my birthday is in April, but still.

I really didn't think my husband would be up for undertaking a new project, but he was really encouraging. And then after I set up the first tank, he was up for putting a small nano tank on the kitchen counter. That's our pride and joy and space is limited. His enthusiasm is less for the quarantine tank, so that's going to have to go away at some point, but the other two he likes and sees how happy they make me.

In theory I'd like to size up, but probably not for the next two years. Part of it is cost, but for a bigger tank I would like to have a more favorable plumbing situation and that really will need spousal buy-in.
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post #12 of 42 (permalink) Old 07-31-2020, 07:34 PM
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My huband and I were HUGE into reef tanks in the past, then moved rural and on spring water... so we went to planted tanks. With reefing, he was all in. We had a HUGE setup and it was a blast. THEN we were forced to move on the 2008 recession and lost it. When I broached the subject of a freshwater tank, he said I could if I maintained it myself, which I have. Itís not the money for him (I have my own). Itís the maintenance. But, I love my aquarium (a 120, these days) and he loves me, so it all works out.
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post #13 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-24-2020, 10:05 AM
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Yes, acceptance is a big thing for me. In our current living situation, a mobile home, it's not the most spacious. I really have been wanting a four foot tank for years. But she doesn't want to have a huge tank in the living room while we don't have that much space. So I compromised and got a 33 long. Four foot tank that isn't huge and doesn't overwhelm the room. That took some doing though lol
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post #14 of 42 (permalink) Old 08-24-2020, 11:49 AM
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I definitely run ideas by my wife first. I ask for her opinions on how things look and where I can place them in our home. She's not big into aquariums but she loves me and lets me enjoy my hobby. Whenever I do build things, be it for my hobby or for the house, I try to make it look as decent as possible. Knowing what she likes helps and goes into my planning.
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post #15 of 42 (permalink) Old 09-30-2020, 06:33 AM
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This is a very tough topic for me. Spousal approval is something I long for. I recently set up my 29gal that had been sitting in the garage for years. It was a hard sell to my wife. What got it in was already having most of the gear I needed and not needing to spend much $. I just got a free 10gal from a friend and want to start a planted tank. When I walked in the house with the new tank my wife lost it. I think she feels less loved because I have hobbies and when my attention is elsewhere it is not on her. I have tried to get her interested in things that I am while not forcing it on her at the same time. She turns all of my passions into something negative and it makes them hard to enjoy.
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