Spouse Acceptance Factor is a powerful force in my house - Page 3 - The Planted Tank Forum
 85Likes
Reply
 
LinkBack Thread Tools Display Modes
post #31 of 42 (permalink) Old 10-04-2020, 11:55 PM
Wannabe Guru
 
Fishly's Avatar
 
PTrader: (7/100%)
Join Date: Jan 2010
Location: Alabama
Posts: 1,406
Some of the things said here seem pretty sneaky and manipulative. It's just a fish tank. It's not worth going behind your spouse's back or lying to them. Yes, you're an adult and can do what you want, but when you have a joint budget or joint responsibilities, you need to have joint agreement on big expenditures. If there's an understanding that both parties can spend as they please, then that's fine. But if the bulk of the family fun-fund goes to a hobby that only you enjoy, that is not cool. Likewise, if your spouse is stonewalling you even though they have plenty of their own hobbies, that is also not cool.

I'm sorry if this comes across as judgmental, but I come from an abusive home where money was an issue. Some of the things said in this thread are worrying.

@W8INLINE, I know your post is right above mine, but this isn't specifically aimed at you. Something about this thread was just bugging me and I wanted to come back and say more.
ichthyogeek, FishBR and Econde like this.

Proud member of
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Fishly is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
post #32 of 42 (permalink) Old 10-05-2020, 12:07 AM
Wannabe Guru
 
Econde's Avatar
 
PTrader: (4/100%)
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Champaign, IL
Posts: 1,017
Really should be about trust, respect and transparency.
mourip likes this.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

7.5 Cube - shrimp tank
Econde is online now  
post #33 of 42 (permalink) Old 10-05-2020, 12:20 AM
Algae Grower
 
FischAutoTechGarten's Avatar
 
PTrader: (0/0%)
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Alamos Sonora Mexico and Green Valley Arizona USA
Posts: 103
Quote:
Originally Posted by Fishly View Post
some hobbies take more than money. Things like golf and fishing take massive amounts of time, playing an instrument produces (sometimes awful) noise, soapmaking and soldering put smells in the air, etc. Aquariums hit a bunch of those sore spots. Much as I love fish and the idea of breeding, I don't think I could handle the noise of a fish room. Substrates, fish food, medications, and even algae can develop a bad smell. If you're sharing living space with someone else, it's not just square footage that matters - you're sharing things like air and free time as well. Not to mention the eyesore factor - most decor schemes aren't built with aquariums in mind. People have a right to feel comfortable in their home, and that means compromise and prior discussion.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Econde View Post
Really should be about trust, respect and transparency.
Thank you both for taking the time to write this. These two contributions should be their own Thread, a Permanent Post-It, in the 'General Planted Tank Discussion' Forum Section.
Econde and edustarling like this.

Peter
learning never stops...
FischAutoTechGarten is offline  
 
post #34 of 42 (permalink) Old 10-05-2020, 01:31 PM
Algae Grower
 
edustarling's Avatar
 
PTrader: (0/0%)
Join Date: Feb 2020
Location: Rio de Janeiro, Brazil
Posts: 17
When I started dating my wife 8 years ago I spent most of time out of home (working, rowing, partying, etc), and my 20G tank at the time was a shame. When we married, we decided to live on her house and getting rid of that 20g was part of the deal. Some months later I convinced her to build another one (25g as far as I remember - converting to us gallons of course) and as our baby girl was born the tank was part of the decoration and part of the sleeping routine of our girl.

Some time later we did some improvements here (our home office became our girl's room, and part of our closet became our new home office) and we had to get rid of the tank. So I started a nano tank with a female betta (lol).Then she suggested that we build a larger tank at our living room. It's my prettiest tank ever to date, she got really fond of it, specially the surviving discus (we had a couple, the female died and the male is still reigning there). Now we're planning to change to a bigger one to dedicate do discus and neon tetras (about 70 us gallons). It'll be at the end of the year and I'm already planning how to migrate fish to the bigger one, filtration, to accelerate cycling, etc

So yes, I think I have a high spouse acceptance, but it was something I fought for
Econde and Discusluv like this.

Regards,
Eduardo Starling
edustarling is offline  
post #35 of 42 (permalink) Old 10-05-2020, 11:33 PM
Algae Grower
 
PTrader: (0/0%)
Join Date: Aug 2020
Posts: 7
Quote:

@W8INLINE, I know your post is right above mine, but this isn't specifically aimed at you. Something about this thread was just bugging me and I wanted to come back and say more.

No offence taken.... my post was more about comic relief after reading the comments and seeing some people taking this topic a bit too serious. My wife actually sends me to the LFS sometimes.... she likes this hobby too but unlike me she would be satisfied with only one tank...

I do agree though on the point you made....a hobby should not come out of a joint account and definitely not impact a household's finances... a hobby should be taken as far as whatever spare money you have burning a hole in your pocket.

With us we have a joined account, then she and I have a small amount we can do whatever we want with every month. My hobbies come out of that, and so do hers. I don't tell her where to spend her portion and she dosnt tell me how to spend mine....the only thing is the placing in the house of all the tanks that we have to find common ground.
Econde likes this.
W8INLINE is offline  
post #36 of 42 (permalink) Old 10-06-2020, 02:45 PM
Planted Tank Guru
 
Blackheart's Avatar
 
PTrader: (2/100%)
Join Date: Jul 2011
Location: Sterling Heights, Michigan
Posts: 3,157
I generally don't try to deceive my wife. Especially generally, all of my fish tank setups will go in the living room where it can clearly be seen. I usually have to be open and up front. Now if I tell her an idea and get an awful response for it, then it's probably NOT a good idea in my case lol But I get more of an "okay," or "sure" kind of response, then it's a go lol

Like my 33 long I purchased in Feb. Initially she wasn't too happy about it because it's such a long tank, but now honestly, seeing what joy it has given me, she's okay with it.
Blackheart is offline  
post #37 of 42 (permalink) Old 10-06-2020, 08:01 PM
Planted Tank Enthusiast
 
Capsaicin_MFK's Avatar
 
PTrader: (20/100%)
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: MN native in Kansas
Posts: 903
My wife is actually the reason I get most of my planted tank equipment. I mentioned to her I was thinking of getting an aquarium for my office on campus but I wanted it to be high tech with co2 and high light. Her response was, "Do it! That would be cool to have in your office!" She knows I won't go crazy with spending money as I take my time with pricing out equipment. She even helped me scape the tank when I brought it home.
Econde and ChuckM like this.
Capsaicin_MFK is online now  
post #38 of 42 (permalink) Old 10-07-2020, 09:27 PM
Algae Grower
 
brendon-'s Avatar
 
PTrader: (0/0%)
Join Date: Mar 2020
Location: East Coast
Posts: 5
This can definitely be an expensive, time consuming hobby. What I end up doing is take on freelance work on top of my regular job, specifically to have funds set aside for this sort of thing (fun money). Selling other hobby stuff on ebay is another approach sometimes. I figure that there's not much to be upset about if I'm working extra to cover the cost. It also helps me justify it to myself. All that being said, the size of the tank is definitely a touchy topic. I've tried to keep it small, and make the setup as aesthetically pleasing as possible so it feels like something nice to have in our space. Even before I brought it in, I mocked up a box the size of it, and showed photos of some amazing tanks to get her into it.
Econde likes this.
brendon- is offline  
post #39 of 42 (permalink) Old 10-08-2020, 11:08 AM
Planted Tank Obsessed
 
Crazygar's Avatar
 
PTrader: (0/0%)
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Belle River ON
Posts: 458
At one point, I was with another woman whom was a rabid fishkeeper/enthusiast/nutcase like myself. Very soon our entire basement disappeared into an enormous fish room, not including the tanks spread throughout the main living level. Sunday = Tank cleaning day, literally the whole day.

It became clear that we were both out of control. So, on the flip side of the coin, having a spouse whom is just into the hobby as yourself can spell a runway MTS effect. Mind you the kids enjoyed it, she was a Loach specialist and both of us had a love for Biotopes at the time...

Gary
Econde, Discusluv and sudhirr like this.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Crazygar is online now  
post #40 of 42 (permalink) Old 10-08-2020, 12:32 PM
Planted Member
 
PTrader: (0/0%)
Join Date: Mar 2020
Posts: 228
Quote:
Originally Posted by W8INLINE View Post
What worked for me was talking to my wife about hobbies I would like to get into after I had already bough a tank, filter, co2 system, etc etc that was "hiding" in the trunk of my car. I talked about the cost of building another race car like I had back when we first met or maybe just classic car restorations, I talked about getting into drones, I talked about trapshooting....maybe we could start golfing.

With every idea we were searching associated costs and she kept rolling her eyes....in the end I looked away and mumbled "maybe I should get another fish tank and save the extra money for a trip or something"

I'm on my 6th tank and since a trip to Jamaica is not an option with covid and all I am trying to figure out where to fit tank #7 LOL
I am pretty sure that she figured out your strategy long ago. She must be fond of you :-)
mourip is online now  
post #41 of 42 (permalink) Old 10-08-2020, 12:46 PM
Wannabe Guru
 
minorhero's Avatar
 
PTrader: (0/0%)
Join Date: Mar 2019
Location: Maryland
Posts: 1,753
The Wife is always part of the process for a tank, but its a different part every time.

The first tank was effortless, I mentioned I wanted a tank and I had always had one as a child. She was super chill and accepting, thought it would be fun for our kid to see.

The second tank required quite a bit of selling. 'Its like a flower vase under water' I said. 'It will have no equipment so it will be pretty' I said (thus a Walstad).

The third tank was a reasoned discussion, 'Its a quarantine tank, I need it to house incoming fish and to grow out plants I collect from the wild' I said.

The fourth tank was a bit of a surprise for her. I told her 'I need a breeding location for the rice fish' and she agreed. The next day I had a tank setup and scaped, she was a bit surprised. I told her 'its for the rice fish, we talked about it last night'.

Then I discovered dart frogs and she was super chill about, the first dart frog tank was effortless. It would be fun for the kids to see she said.

The second dart frog tank was a bit more of sales job, 'it will be a focal point of the room' I said. 'It will be lush with plants and having a dripping branch effect in the back' I said.

It seems to be a cycle for me ;P
Econde likes this.



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
minorhero is offline  
post #42 of 42 (permalink) Old 10-08-2020, 12:54 PM
Wannabe Guru
 
Econde's Avatar
 
PTrader: (4/100%)
Join Date: Oct 2015
Location: Champaign, IL
Posts: 1,017
Quote:
Originally Posted by minorhero View Post
The Wife is always part of the process for a tank, but its a different part every time.

The first tank was effortless, I mentioned I wanted a tank and I had always had one as a child. She was super chill and accepting, thought it would be fun for our kid to see.

The second tank required quite a bit of selling. 'Its like a flower vase under water' I said. 'It will have no equipment so it will be pretty' I said (thus a Walstad).

The third tank was a reasoned discussion, 'Its a quarantine tank, I need it to house incoming fish and to grow out plants I collect from the wild' I said.

The fourth tank was a bit of a surprise for her. I told her 'I need a breeding location for the rice fish' and she agreed. The next day I had a tank setup and scaped, she was a bit surprised. I told her 'its for the rice fish, we talked about it last night'.

Then I discovered dart frogs and she was super chill about, the first dart frog tank was effortless. It would be fun for the kids to see she said.

The second dart frog tank was a bit more of sales job, 'it will be a focal point of the room' I said. 'It will be lush with plants and having a dripping branch effect in the back' I said.

It seems to be a cycle for me ;P
This is the epitome of MTS! I've already spoken to my wife that if and only if I ever decide to build a larger tank, my 3 other tanks will have to go . That's my choice since that would be more maintenance for me. I'm just glad shes pretty responsive about my hobby. She will question why? Which is understandable. Then I explain the reason as to why I want the setup I want. And then that's about it, good to go as long as it's reasonable.
minorhero likes this.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

7.5 Cube - shrimp tank
Econde is online now  
Reply

Tags
None

Quick Reply
Message:
Options

Register Now



In order to be able to post messages on the The Planted Tank Forum forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.

User Name:
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.

Password:


Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.

Email Address:
OR

Log-in










Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page
Display Modes
Linear Mode Linear Mode



Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On

 
For the best viewing experience please update your browser to Google Chrome