Hard Unexpected Breakup, need advice

[Sukhoi]

Yesterday at work, I received a text message from my boyfriend of a year and 4 months that said he did not want to be romantically involved with me anymore (as he put it).

This really caught me off guard. I am having a hard time understanding it. The day before we hanged out. We had a good time. The only thing he hinted at was he was stressed between his two jobs and he wish he had more time for me. I told him I was fine with the current situation and was just happy he was in my life. He told me he wanted to be with me. We slept together, said ''I love you'' and it was a normal day for us. Next day, I get a text from him breaking up with me. This part really bothers me.

The other part that is really bothering me is he tells me he still wants to be in my life. He still really really likes me. But he throwing this friend card at me and I find it insulting since he just broke up with me out of no where.

I am really having a hard time cooping with this. Any advice will help to get me through this will be greatly appericate fellow member.

[sunyang730]

I would say ask him why he want to break up with you. If he stated that he did not want to be romantically involved with you anymore, it means that he is bored being with you, which also means that he want to find another one? If so, I would say don't bother feeling upset because it is not worth the time (easy say than done). You have a life to live and don't let anyone, I mean ANYONE mess up your life.

[Sukhoi]

I asked him and he said it was because we got into a fight some time ago (I don't know when) and since then his love for me decreased. He also admitted that the stress from his job cause his feelings to go away. So it is hard to understand what he is actually feeling. Cause it sounds like he is torn.

[Lifeblood]

You have to read between the lines...

"Really stressed, 2 jobs, not enough time for you"

He probably is already seeing someone else, was seeing someone else before he met you, or has plans to see someone else.

You should move on.

Even if I am wrong, it doesn't matter, don't let him string you along.

[josolanes]

Originally Posted by sunyang730

I would say ask him why he want to break up with you. If he stated that he did not want to be romantically involved with you anymore, it means that he is bored being with you, which also means that he want to find another one? If so, I would say don't bother feeling upset because it is not worth the time (easy say than done). You have a life to live and don't let anyone, I mean ANYONE mess up your life.

^ I agree with everything here

If he says he wants to be friends, it likely means he wants you around in case he decides to come back. Which, honestly, I think you have every right to be insulted by it. I'm sorry to say this, and I'm sure it's not what you want to hear, but I would try to move on and lose contact otherwise he may just string you along

If it was so abrupt, I'd think there was someone else involved and he finally made a decision. Or, maybe he really is just too busy with work. In which case, respect his wishes and give him space - but I wouldn't wait for him either

Sorry about the breakup . There's a reason he decided to break it off, and whatever it is is likely not enough for you to wait around hoping he changes his mind in the future

I would avoid over-thinking this. It's not likely you did something wrong at all. Spend some time with family and friends and enjoy their company. It'll make the breakup less hard to deal with

[Sukhoi]

Originally Posted by Lifeblood

You have to read between the lines...

"Really stressed, 2 jobs, not enough time for you"

He probably is already seeing someone else, was seeing someone else before he met you, or has plans to see someone else.

You should move on.

Even if I am wrong, it doesn't matter, don't let him string you along.

I don't it someone else. It think he is letting life get the best of him and causing him to think different than usual. Or he entering that phased some young males go through :Where they want to be single and not tied down.

I dunno. Just hard. Thank you all for this. I needed to hear this so much to help me get through the day.

[thechibi]

It's tough no matter what approach you take.

But don't beat yourself up. Neither should you keep out momentos. Pack away photos for awhile, have a bubble bath and take care of yourself. If you find yourself thinking about it, take a sort of zen approach and realize that it's a lot like stepping in a river. You might land on a rock now, but in a few moments, you'll find a good spot to chill in.

Don't go to places you go to a lot together right away. And in general, just don't remind yourself of it over and over. That's like sticking a fork in a light socket over and over. It's ugly and painful. At least, at first. Some folks bounce back quicker than others. Take it at your own pace though.

[sunyang730]

I think everyone would agree that, no matter what the situation is, just to live your life on someone else. It is okay to be sad, it is okay to cry, but after all that you need to stand up and say to yourself, "I still have me."

I can't give you too much advice since I have been through a lot of problems. Things won't be the same after he said that to you and you still want to be with him. If you do want to be with him, he is the one that take control.

Now remember, most man thinks with their bottom part. (A saying from Chinese) Which means they just want to have sex with you. So for him to say want to be in your life or you be in his life meaning that he want you to be a friend with benefit?? Not sure if he does but I will say, GET UP AND WALK ALWAY and put the time that you are with him to create some nice planted aquarium with fancy SHRIMPS!!!!!!!

After all that, I will say it one more time. You live on your own life, not any one else, so take control of your own life, not any one else.

[Sukhoi]

Lol Sunyang, I was thinking to myself "maybe I will finally start that shrimp tank I'll sure have the money to do so now."

This is great. Even though I know this, i needed to hear it from other people.

[theredseverum18]

Move on, there is plenty fish in the sea. No matter how much it hurts, it will always get better. Fish keeping brought me through a very bad break up, and friends and family also helped a lot. Good luck, you can do it!

[Jeff5614]

Originally Posted by R_Barber001

Edited for content

First off you can ignore this 15 year old erotic fantasy. Most ridiculous piece of relationship advice ( well crap is more like it ) I've ever heard.

Move on. Be open to reconciliation at some point if you that's your desire but it needs to be on mutually agreeable terms. Don't compromise yourself and your ideals, beliefs, etc. to stay in a relationship or get back into one. You'll regret it.

[sunyang730]

Originally Posted by Sukhoi

Lol Sunyang, I was thinking to myself "maybe I will finally start that shrimp tank I'll sure have the money to do so now."

This is great. Even though I know this, i needed to hear it from other people.

Good, don't fall in to the trap of "LOVE" that makes people miserable. If that guys if worth your love, he won't leave you. And if he leaves? well then he is not worth it. LOL your love is to our TPT.net committee and your shrimps They will always love you when you give them food and provide them care.

[rbarn]

Love sucks sometime. Cut ties and move on. Maybe friends later.
The breaking up via text message is really lame. Be sad. Be alone for a bit. Then start over.

c'est la vie.

[plantbrain]

Move on, he did you a favor. No one needs someone who is indecisive about wanting to be with them, people deserve someone that really wants them.

Wants to be single? Kick his butt out the door, you'll do both yourselves a favor then. He's also a big time coward, cannot face you and tell you in person he wanted to break up, had to text it and after last night. Who wants a guy like that? Date an adult who knows what he wants.

Here is the good news: you are now available to meet that right person. One day closer to meeting the right guy and let some other gal being that fool's torture mind game victim. Better to be single than with that creep.

I'm an older guy but everyone goes through much of this stuff.
Many people in relationships are not able to communicate what they want. They assume the other person should "just know". And many take the coward's approach to breaking up, but then say they want to be friends, screw that. Be polite if you see them, but there's not much to say after you break up with someone really. It typically does not end well.

So go hang out with family and friends, reconnect, do not call or talk to him for a couple of weeks at least. Breaking up sucks, but this means you will meet someone else new, without all these trust and indecision issues.

[duff]

Hi Sukhoi - I am sorry to hear this. I totally understand the pain you feel. While not exactly the same it was similar (he had a romantic dinner with another girl and did not come home that night 5 days after we had a stunning Playa Del Carmine vacation together) . It was heartbreaking and gut wrenching but I allowed myself live with the pain telling myself that living with the pain was good as it allowed me to know I was alive and had feelings (if that makes sense?), that it would get better, eventually. Each pity/cry session I had with myself I would tell myself again that it was ok to feel this way and let it out. I wrote him emails that I never sent to allow myself to vent. I set out to find myself again as such a big part of "me" was "us" at the time. I pampered myself to pedicures weekly and picked up a new hobby. It sucked and took about 4-5 months to get to the point where I was back to "me". A year later I still fell the pain but now it's different because I know now that I am ok with it and realized that he is not worth my love. I also cut all ties with him immediately. If he did not want to be with me then that is the way it was going to be. Not giving in was the hardest part as he called and sent texts regularly. It took him about 3 weeks to realize I was done. He even went so far at to send a me gift this past Christmas - I sent him a nice thank you card via snail mail...

You're worth so much more then to spin your wheels with someone headed in another direction. Cherish what you have learned from him and your relationship and take the good parts with you to the next one and leave the bad behind. Hang in there and if you need a vent session or two send me a PM. I understand what your going through.