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Old 02-19-2013, 04:13 AM   #46
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Why are men on this forum scared of their wives or girlfriends?


One reason wives get mad when the husband buys more fish tanks is because they don't want fish tanks when they go for their 50%.
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Old 02-19-2013, 04:21 AM   #47
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I took two things out of this thread. Firstly, I've made the right decision to delay marriage as long as humanly possible and am happy to likely never have kids.

Secondly,

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b*tches love sinks.
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Old 02-19-2013, 04:59 AM   #48
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Originally Posted by Soothing Shrimp View Post
As you get older, you realize 'tis better to pick and choose your fights. I love my hobbies, but my family comes first.
This right here.

I haven't been married long and I'm not afraid of my wife but at 33 I like to think I've picked up a few of life's lessons and one big BIG lesson is "don't go looking for a fight because you may not like the one you find".

My wife is into fish keeping which I know is rare and fortunate but even still we both put our foot (feet?) down now and again on each other's decisions and procurements because without that helpful judgement on each other's ideas we can get a lil crazy.
We had a discussion before we got married and it boiled down to acknowledging that we both want to keep a few nano tanks and nano tanks are ok but we don't want the house to look like a scaled down seaworld.
If I'm looking at a tank and she asks where I plan to put it she's not being a domineering bi**h, she legitimately wants to know where I plan to put it and if I can come up with a reasonable answer and we can afford it she typically says "sure, as long as I get to help scape or stock it".

This is good and proves that listening to the wife doesn't need to be bad.
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Old 02-19-2013, 05:04 AM   #49
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I was just having this discussion on Facebook.

Funny thing is, I too noticed it on this forum.

Im lucky enough not to have to deal with that. My fiance complains more about my RC Helis and Airplanes than my tanks...and it's not because of what I buy...she doesnt like airplanes on the kitchen counter or dining room table.

Every relationship and household have their own constraints, whether financially, physical space, or amount of time spent with said hobby, and some of the wife's "No's" may be legitimate. Some not, but it goes both ways.
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Old 02-19-2013, 05:20 AM   #50
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The tanks pay the bills, end of story in my case.
I pay all the bills.

I do not like clutter, so we agree on tank limits for rooms and areas of living space.

I do not do the laundry, but I do every other chore including the cooking for her, myself and the kids.

So I am allowed to what I like, I contribute a lot.
That's fair.

She works a lot, takes care of the kids a lot, she's not slacking either.
So it's fair.

Some men it's sort of a joke, but if you really feel that way, you need to address things. If the relationship is fair, and it can be very warped etc, but the bottom line is both feel mutually okay with things. If not, well......the worst prisons are those we impose upon ourselves.
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Old 02-19-2013, 06:00 AM   #51
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Before I got married I used to breed day geckos, corn snakes, box turtles and some other critters. I used to eat beef.

My wife is deathly afraid of all reptiles but especially snakes.
My wife is Hindu and does not even want beef of any sort in the house.

I no longer have any reptiles and I have had beef 1 time in the past 5 years.

and being happily married to her is much better than having free reign to pursue whatever hobby I want.

I doesn't even out-not even close. I have a HUGE mountain sized 'win' with my marriage and a speck of dust sized 'lose' with some hobbies.
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Old 02-19-2013, 06:44 AM   #52
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Wow, what a great thread. Now here is the kicker that sets me appart from the rest of you. I met my girlfriend at the LFS where I work on Saturdays. She already had a 75 gallon high tech planted tank and needed help. Lucky for her Im the only one at the store with any working CO2 knowledge. A few phone calls later we met for a date and finished it off with having her help me set up my new 75 gallon Dovii tank. It ended up being a fish keepers dream date. We now have whole days planned around doing tank maintenance at her house or mine and I bring her new fish and plants every Saturday night. I actually renamed her tanks my "satellite tanks" and she does not like it one bit. I am one lucky guy.
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Old 02-19-2013, 09:03 AM   #53
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Quote:
Originally Posted by le0p View Post
I listen to my wife when she says no to more tanks.. Two reasons:

1. It's more important to me to have a good relationship than to have more fish tanks.
2. If it were up to me, I'd buy tanks, fish and equipment until I was broke and on the street. She keeps me from going insane with obsessions.

It's not always her though, sometimes I slow down on a hobby because I WANT to spend more time with her, I want to save for a house, I want to be able to walk into a room without bumping into a tank.

Relationships are about compromise..
I dont necessarily believe in marriages are compromises. That just starts it off wrong. They are however a journey together. Two people have to put 100% effort in on both sides to work, but once thats established, goals and thought processes tend to be very close together, and generally you become each other's reason, not just the compromise agent.

I dont compromise what i do, we reason when something is not right.
We joke about it to be sure, like okay you have house and kid duty this week and ill play with your hair and rub ur back every night. But for serious aspects its about working toward the same goals, this is why many marriages fall apart, and including money. You have to want the same goal. If not the paths you chose to get there will make you or break you
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Old 02-19-2013, 10:30 AM   #54
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when i met my wife, she thought that fish tanks were pointless. she also was deathly afraid of tarantulas, snakes, lizzards, birds, practically any and all creepy crawlies. i married her after around three weeks of dating, about four and a half years ago.

since then, she has come to love tarantulas, snakes, lizzards, birds... she even kept a dubia roach colony going for a bearded dragon. for valentines day i bought her 3 pairs of betta channoides for a 40 breeder we set up a couple months ago. we have over 20 fish tanks. any time i want anything, or do anything related to hobbies, my wife only asks if we have enough money. same goes for her, whenever she wants something, i only ask her to keep me informed of what she is spending so we can manage our finances.

when i asked her what changed her mind about all the creepy crawlies, she said it was the way i talked about them. apparently im a good salesman
it took her a couple years to get into aquariums, she just had to find the fish for her. it turned out to be wild type bettas.

one memory i am especially fond of: when i was in iraq, i received a letter from her, enthusiastically proclaiming the birth of 26 baby garter snakes from a pair that i had set up before i deployed. unfortunately, a cat knocked the cage over shortly thereafter and killed the babies, but it struck me then how she had gone from deathly afraid of snakes to enthusiastic in just a couple years.

i always tried to share the joy i experience from my hobbies with my wife. i would carefully explain why it is that i love what i love, and try to relate them to her interests. maybe that is the difference?

Last edited by auban; 02-19-2013 at 10:42 AM.. Reason: typo
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Old 02-19-2013, 01:12 PM   #55
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I think it's also important to keep focus, hobbies are meant to be a relaxing diversion from life's stress. When life's stress start to increase it's very easy to let the hobby escalate to OCD/Hoarder levels. The natural cycle extension is burn out, followed by the next 'passion'.

Everything in life works best when balance is achieved.
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Old 02-19-2013, 01:27 PM   #56
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A little white lie here and there doesn't hurt either. I remember one setup I had my L. Aromatica really coloring up nicely near the top of the tank. Looked like a bouquet so she passes by the tank and says "What beautiful flowers" my only response "Yes Dear"
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Old 02-19-2013, 01:39 PM   #57
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Rush3737 View Post
I took two things out of this thread. Firstly, I've made the right decision to delay marriage as long as humanly possible and am happy to likely never have kids.

Secondly,
I thought that also. Until my avatar made his appearance. And he loves the fish tanks. He is my side kick on fish store expeditions. Wouldn't trade it for the world now. Just wish I had done it in my early 40's instead of late 40's.
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Old 02-19-2013, 02:32 PM   #58
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Quote:
Originally Posted by houseofcards View Post
.... my L. Aromatica really coloring up nicely near the top of the tank. Looked like a bouquet so she passes by the tank and says "What beautiful flowers" my only response "Yes Dear"
Good point. When a tank in the "living" space is healthily with a nice 'scape it is appreciated. I think it's a wise choice to keep the science project tanks in a fish dungeon.
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Old 02-19-2013, 03:13 PM   #59
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A fella I fly R/C airplanes with wanted to get a new plane, but knew wifey would not like that....

soo....

He made a fake raffle ticket with the plane as the 2nd prize, crumpled it up and left it on the end table for a week or so...then had a friend call the house and leave a message saying he was from the RC club and he won the raffle.

He got his plane, wife didnt make alot of noise. All was happy in the end. How many of you would do that? I'd have a terrible guilt complex about the entire thing, but he's OK with it.
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Old 02-19-2013, 05:09 PM   #60
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Default Why are men on this forum scared of their wives or girlfriends?

Quote:
Originally Posted by watercage View Post
A fella I fly R/C airplanes with wanted to get a new plane, but knew wifey would not like that....

soo....

He made a fake raffle ticket with the plane as the 2nd prize, crumpled it up and left it on the end table for a week or so...then had a friend call the house and leave a message saying he was from the RC club and he won the raffle.

He got his plane, wife didnt make alot of noise. All was happy in the end. How many of you would do that? I'd have a terrible guilt complex about the entire thing, but he's OK with it.
Seems like a real standup guy


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