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Old 11-16-2012, 04:19 AM   #1
msawdey
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Convincing the wife/gf keeping tanks is great


Hey everyone

So over the past few months, the girlfriend has started to hate having tanks in the apartment. I have a 50 tall and 10 gallon tank, one that sits in our living room and the other in the small office area on my desk. She keeps trying to convince me its time to downsize the 10 to a 0 and that the 50 is just too much. Worst part about all of this, is she is a Marine Biologist.

What "tactics" have other used to convince significant others that tanks are gods gifts to us hardworking spoiled humans. Just want to know what everyone thinks
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Old 11-16-2012, 04:38 AM   #2
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Lol, I'm the wife in this case! My husband is happy I have a hobby, but I did get a raised eyebrow when I upgraded my 10g to a 29 and instead of tearing down the 10g I redid it and moved it into our sons room. One thing I'm conscious of is all the odds and ends having tanks can involve. Most times I'm really aware of putting away all the little containers of food, the wet nets, the testing kits, etc. I'm lucky that my husband enjoys looking at the tank, but if he was constantly tripping over the gear, I don't think he'd notice the tank so much, just the mess. And I'm always up front about the money I spend. I don't usually spend much, but setting up a new tank with new everything and new plants and new fish, etc, etc, etc does add up. It also wouldn't be as harmonious if he resented the cost associated. And last I try to be equally supportive of his hobbies. My husband works a lot, so doesn't have much free time, but the things he's interested in I try to learn about too. You don't have to have the same hobbies as your significant other, but its nice when you can at least chat about them together.

Good luck!
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Old 11-16-2012, 04:45 AM   #3
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Think the best thing to say is that it makes you happy and keeps you busy maintaining a small habitat. Nothing wrong with you having a 10 and 50, as you said its a gift for us hardwirkers. Personally my gf is ok with my tanks because she sees how happy they make me , for example seeing new baby shrimp or baby fry I'm trying to raise. Try and get your gf more involved maybe? Lol and it is funny that she is a marine biologist

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Old 11-16-2012, 04:58 AM   #4
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I can't really help because my wife is just about as fish crazy as I am.
She tells me "we don't need any more tanks, this isn't the army" but if I present my reasoning and explain why I "need" this tank she will usually cave.

Unfortunately I'm not sure what will help your girlfriend see that this is important to you, because that can be a big issue: she just sees it as clutter or a nusance and doesn't acknowledge the value you place on your tanks.
Perhaps if you explain that you enjoy it and find the maintenance and observation to be relaxing that will help get her off your case. On the other hand, is she constantly having to be around or maintain aquariums while she is at work? That could definitely be a source of aggravation, having to spend her day around aquariums (especially if there is something about them that bothers her) then having to come home and see yours.
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Old 11-16-2012, 05:39 AM   #5
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Jump ship to Saltwater tanks. Get her involved.

"Just too much" what is just too much? A little more elaboration would be helpful but I know we all struggle with communicating with our significant others lol.


Or just get a new gf/wife. Plenty of fish in the sea

(How am I still single?) :p
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Old 11-16-2012, 05:46 AM   #6
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Make sure it is clean and looks nice in the room its in. If it looks out of place, or there are nets, food etc. all over the place it will turn anyone off in time. I have to make sure my tanks fit with the furnishings in the room they are in. So in my living room I have my 36g (soon to be 40b) and my nano on my desk. I made a deal with my wife to only have two tanks running at one time. A larger one and a nano one. If I get over 40g I have to move down to just one tank (which is why I am going to the 40b lol) until we get a larger house.
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Old 11-16-2012, 06:32 AM   #7
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If you spend more time with your plecostamus than you do with her, it's gonna be a bad time....
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Old 11-16-2012, 07:16 AM   #8
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Quote:
Originally Posted by m00se View Post
If you spend more time with your plecostamus than you do with her, it's gonna be a bad time....
All responses are great. But this actually made me crack a smile
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Old 11-16-2012, 07:17 AM   #9
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I think what I may do is after we move ( next August) is make a tank for her! She picks the fish and ill take care of it.
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Old 11-16-2012, 10:52 AM   #10
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I asked my girlfriend for her input. Verbatim:

"I love what it does for him and for us. I love to see him light up every time new plants come in the mail, we make romantic dates out of going to specialty fish stores, and I love that he is able to bring a brightness and personal uniqueness to our lovely home together. Are there specific tactics? - No. And sure, sometimes, as girlfriends, we get hours of getting no attention while they tool around, but all in all, it's the most wonderful thing seeing the one you love expressing themselves creatively and, all in all, being truly excited about life."

Not sure if that's helpful, but at least it's perspective.
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Old 11-16-2012, 10:52 AM   #11
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My wife and i struggled with this.
Her expectations of time management with the tanks were not met and she was jealous which leads to hatred. The path cant apprently be reversed, but we have gone from hatred and jealousy to she just leaves it alone and is glad i enjoy it.

Communication is the key, find out why she dislikes it. My wife understands it makes me happy and never once serioisly wanted me to get rid of my tanks, just to manage my time with them better.


To be honest i was dabbling with them every night, its also help me step back and enjoy more. I still get to do the same things, i just concentrate them into bigger weekly efforts than small daiky efforts
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Old 11-16-2012, 11:42 AM   #12
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In my experience, It's her way of saying "Spend more time with me". Had this isue and still have it from time to time.

What I did is I started a Nano and cycled it, grabbed her arm and off to the Local fish shop. Told her she could have any Betta she liked. (She loves Betta's) So there I found her weak spot.

The other day we where discussing a potential move and I started rambling about a Fishroom as the potential home has one more bedroom. There and then she responded "Nuh Uh!" What will the guests be looking at when they visit.

Problem solved. Get her involved, even though she is into Marine Biology she will still have a soft spot for that one fish or certain look that will make her smile.

But I still get the odd eyebrow move when I fiddle with the tanks every night.
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