Hard Unexpected Breakup, need advice

[D3monic]

Originally Posted by Sukhoi

Wow, I'm 23. So young.

I hope for the better. But only time will tell. Still hard because we are broken up.

my ex wife was your age... pics or we dont believe you!

[Sukhoi]

I got one of myself on my profile if you want to make some extra clicks.

[xenxes]

Not going to give you any relationship advice because sometimes, it just doesn't work out. But will echo a lot of the other advice you're already getting:

Hang out more with friends and family, pick up a new hobby or expand on a present one (start a new tank!). Keep busy and keep your mind occupied. You will continue to dwell on the past and it will hurt, it's normal, but with time old memories fade and new ones begin.

Oh -- Plentyoffish.com

[jcgd]

I'm only 24, so experience isn't my forte, but here's my $.02. I think you are nuts getting back together with him. You were together a year, he broke the trust big time and now you want to go back into it. Sure he didn't cheat or whatever, but he said straight up that you aren't his everything when I said he wanted a break or whatever.

I was crazy about my girl since I met her when I was 16. Took me five years to tell her how I felt. I was dating a girl and was away on a trip so I had to come home and break the girl's heart. But I am crazy about my girl and I wasn't willing to let anything ruin my chance.

After four years of being together she's the love of my life and I could never do anything to jeopardize us. When you know, you know. And he doesn't know.

[Wulfyn]

Sometimes sadly a person can stop loving someone but not know how to express it and goes along with the relationship a bit longer. It hurts, but all I can say is move on. Only he knows the true reason/s for breaking up. You may never get an answer so don't dwell on it.
Don't let it consume you. Besides maybe the one for you is yet to stumble into your life.
I'm a guy and I tend not to trust most guy's intentions go figure lol. As my dad says, Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me.

[Sukhoi]

Originally Posted by jcgd

I'm only 24, so experience isn't my forte, but here's my $.02. I think you are nuts getting back together with him. You were together a year, he broke the trust big time and now you want to go back into it. Sure he didn't cheat or whatever, but he said straight up that you aren't his everything when I said he wanted a break or whatever.

I was crazy about my girl since I met her when I was 16. Took me five years to tell her how I felt. I was dating a girl and was away on a trip so I had to come home and break the girl's heart. But I am crazy about my girl and I wasn't willing to let anything ruin my chance.

After four years of being together she's the love of my life and I could never do anything to jeopardize us. When you know, you know. And he doesn't know.

We are not getting back together right away. We talk about our mistakes and what happen to lead to this. It was both our faults. He already expressed he wants to work on are relationship. Our commication broke down the past month and that what has cause this. I not holding my breath and I not holding onto this idea we will be back together forever. Life doesn't work that way. I may be nuts, and midly insane, but I am going with my gut feeling on this. If I get burn, than it will be my fault.

[robbowal]

Originally Posted by Sukhoi

We are not getting back together right away. We talk about our mistakes and what happen to lead to this. It was both our faults. He already expressed he wants to work on are relationship. Our commication broke down the past month and that what has cause this. I not holding my breath and I not holding onto this idea we will be back together forever. Life doesn't work that way. I may be nuts, and midly insane, but I am going with my gut feeling on this. If I get burn, than it will be my fault.

Its good that you guys have talked but just remember that one of the most important things in any relationship is trust, with out that nothing else matters.
I wish you the best of luck.

[Sukhoi]

Thanks again. I hope things work out. But for now I am going to enjoy some time to myself. Play video games (try to unlock those new Mass Effect 3 multiplayer characters), read a book, catch up on some tv shows. Then when he wants to start talking, we are going from there. No gurantees, but it is worth the risk. I think we understand why this happen. I am going to work on being a better listner and he is going to work on opening up more to me.

[gordonrichards]

Combined I work about 65 hours a week between two jobs, and don't have much time for myself at all. Not sure how much he works but it gets tricky to handle and accept working so much. Maybe he needs to get a better paying job so he can relax. I know I need more money at my 9-5pm

How much does he work? What type of jobs?
High paying? Low paying?

I saw a few people say he might have found someone else or was messing around behind your back. Not sure if that is the case. I think hes having a breakdown.

-Gordon

[Sukhoi]

Originally Posted by gordonrichards

Combined I work about 65 hours a week between two jobs, and don't have much time for myself at all. Not sure how much he works but it gets tricky to handle and accept working so much. Maybe he needs to get a better paying job so he can relax. I know I need more money at my 9-5pm

How much does he work? What type of jobs?
High paying? Low paying?

I saw a few people say he might have found someone else or was messing around behind your back. Not sure if that is the case. I think hes having a breakdown.

-Gordon

I believe you are right. He already expressed how stress he is at his job. I know he is stress and I try my best to make it easy on. He works as a volunteer Police Officer 2-3 days a week. He also has another job. His other job is always screwing him in hours. He been promised several times that he was going to get full time, but this job always end up screwing him over. He also looking for a full time police job which is hard. I know he doesn't have a lot of money left over for bills. That why I never asked him for anything. I make sure I have money set aside for us, so we can go to the movies, zoo, ect. I know it bothers him because I pretty way pay for everything. I don't mind. I enjoy his company. I enjoy him. But for him, having me pay for everything hurts him. He is angry that he can't do the nice things I do for him.

I know it been getting to him, and I know I am not the best girlfriend at time. I get needy because I hate being alone. I never realized how much my actions hurt him. How being difficult and not listening has effected our relationship. I told him I was sorry about everything I wish he smack me and set me straight. I told him I was willing to change if he wanted to give us a chance again. We blame each other. When we was talking, I started to show that change and how I will stick with it. That when we agreed on taking a week break or so, and then start slowing working it, seeing where it goes. We agreed if it doesn't going anywhere, that we will break off for good, maybe be friends down the road and move on in our lives.

I told him I know how he feels. To be so stressed out to the point it effects your relationship. It happen to me in past relationships, it happen to me in this current one. How relationship and love works, one big rollarcoaster.

[Wulfyn]

I can see how that can be so frustrating especially when you feel like your job is a dead end. Alot of stress going on there. I have learned to try and not let a work stress me out. In the end it is not worth it mentally physically and tends to carry over into relationships. It helps when you know your lover has your back and they have yours. Nothing wrong with leaning on each other. Doesn't make him less of a man if he is broke more than you. He can take pride that he does do more than others usually do. And that volunteering is a positive thing for him.

Best of luck to you both, remember it takes 2 and communication is a must!

[Sukhoi]

I just miss him a lot. He was more than a boyfriend to me, he was everything. He was always there for me when everyone else turned their back on me. My family isn't the greatest. In fact I tried to talk to my mom about it and she told me she didn't care. I don't really have any good friends. When life is at its lowest, he was always there. It just hard. I can't stand it. I miss him dearly and want to close my eyes and wish everything would go back to the way it was.

[plantbrain]

Originally Posted by Sukhoi

I just miss him a lot. He was more than a boyfriend to me, he was everything. He was always there for me when everyone else turned their back on me. My family isn't the greatest. In fact I tried to talk to my mom about it and she told me she didn't care. I don't really have any good friends. When life is at its lowest, he was always there. It just hard. I can't stand it. I miss him dearly and want to close my eyes and wish everything would go back to the way it was.

Get friends! Get someone in your family that cares!

The worse prisons are the ones we self impose on ourselves.
Never shut everyone else out/off for a relationship. You need a friend and the guy is not that, he's confused. Maybe he will change, but do not wait or bank of that.

Guys in general hate not being able to provide $$ wise. They think it matters and at a primal level, I suppose it does. Even outside the relationship, he's stressed about this and likely angry. But being angry will NEVER change that, he has to do something about it. He's got to learn this and relax. But if he does......he will appreciate it later. Same deal there for him, he's in a self imposed prison.

You cannot change him or other people.
They have to change of their own free will.

So while that's happening, reach out and make friends and go about doing the things that are important to you outside the relationship. You'll be better, more confident and think much clearer about things. If he's got any sense and learned, he'll come AFTER you. If he breaks up and then wants you back every few months/weeks, dump him fast. That's not learning, that's a manipulator.

Still, when it's you in the situation, it's hard. Easy to give advice when you are old and not willing to put up with crap from nobody But I have a son who is a little older than you and went through a few issues. Not an easy time in life.

So you are young, you have some $, go enjoy life and see the world. Do not waste your time feeling bad.........how many people trapped with kids, a nagging spouse.a house payment, a job they do not like etc.........?

And what? You? Totally free!!!

[eklikewhoa]

Blessing in disguise!

[josolanes]

Originally Posted by plantbrain

Get friends! Get someone in your family that cares!

The worse prisons are the ones we self impose on ourselves.
Never shut everyone else out/off for a relationship. You need a friend and the guy is not that, he's confused. Maybe he will change, but do not wait or bank of that.

Guys in general hate not being able to provide $$ wise. They think it matters and at a primal level, I suppose it does. Even outside the relationship, he's stressed about this and likely angry. But being angry will NEVER change that, he has to do something about it. He's got to learn this and relax. But if he does......he will appreciate it later. Same deal there for him, he's in a self imposed prison.

You cannot change him or other people.
They have to change of their own free will.

So while that's happening, reach out and make friends and go about doing the things that are important to you outside the relationship. You'll be better, more confident and think much clearer about things. If he's got any sense and learned, he'll come AFTER you. If he breaks up and then wants you back every few months/weeks, dump him fast. That's not learning, that's a manipulator.

Still, when it's you in the situation, it's hard. Easy to give advice when you are old and not willing to put up with crap from nobody But I have a son who is a little older than you and went through a few issues. Not an easy time in life.

So you are young, you have some $, go enjoy life and see the world. Do not waste your time feeling bad.........how many people trapped with kids, a nagging spouse.a house payment, a job they do not like etc.........?

And what? You? Totally free!!!

Very well said!