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Why are men on this forum scared of their wives or girlfriends?

8K views 107 replies 59 participants last post by  HD Blazingwolf 
#1 ·
How often do we read a post and it says "my wife or girlfriend does not let me use the kitchen sink or won't let me have another fish tank" blah blah blah. What is wrong with some of you guys? :cool: The day my girlfriend says I can't do something is the day that I'm becoming single....and she's very aware of that. Generally when I get into a new relationship I explain all the hobbies that I am into and tell her that they pretty much come with a package deal. So if you want me then you get my hobbies as well. It works both ways...if she's into pottery or yoga then I'll attend a few sessions with you. But under no circumstances will I ever tell a girl that she "cannot" do yoga or a weaving class knowing that she was into these things prior to meeting me. Which is the same reason that your significant other shouldn't tell you what you can and cannot do.

Worst thing you can do in life is try to change someone. I've learned that back in college that it doesn't work. Best way is to get involved with someone who likes everything about you. :proud:
 
#3 ·
Yeah some are but others really mean it. There is a guy in the DIY section who built a whole PVC pipe contraption from the second floor because his wife didn't let him use the kitchen sink for water changes. LOL. I am literally still laughing at the device...it was by far the funniest thread I've ever read on here.

PS. My thread is kind of similar...hopefully it adds some comedic value.
PSS. I wonder how many guys looked over their shoulder prior to clicking into this thread.
 
#5 ·
i think that maybe some of the times its one of those things where if the wife wasn't saying no, they would end up on hoarders. tanks everywhere, tiny walkways, even a bridge of tanks. hehe i can just see the hoarders crews faces. OMG its so beautiful.....but my god, there must be 12,000 tanks in here.....then out of a planted 250 pops the crazed husband with boesemani rainbow in his mouth!
 
#6 ·
Some may be the less dominant part of the relationship.

Some may not pay enough attention to their chores or even their partner because of the tanks so it becomes sort of a nemesis.

Some may have really bad taste in Aquascaping so there is nothing to be proud of for her when visits come. Multiple bad looking tanks? Esthetics.

Some may be spending to much of their budget.

Small apt?

I do a lot of good things for her and vice versa.... you won't believe the things we allow each other to do.
:)
 
#105 ·
some may be the less dominant part of the relationship.

Some may not pay enough attention to their chores or even their partner because of the tanks so it becomes sort of a nemesis.

Some may have really bad taste in aquascaping so there is nothing to be proud of for her when visits come. Multiple bad looking tanks? Esthetics.

Some may be spending to much of their budget.

Small apt?

I do a lot of good things for her and vice versa.... You won't believe the things we allow each other to do.
:)

bingo!
 
#8 ·
Money is a big aspect of any relationship and is something that should be discussed a lot when the relationship involves marriage, and lets not kid ourselves, a lot of this stuff isn't cheap when you add everything up. I'd be willing to bet that could be the reason for a lot of it.

Another is that women usually have an idea of how they want their house/apt to look and tanks don't always fit nicely into there. Sure 1 can often work but when you have 2-3 it may not as much


- Mumford
 
#9 ·
I agree on the comedic point there. Even though I don't have a girlfriend or wife, my mom still gets in the way of things. She doesn't like it when I spend too much time doing WC, looking at the shrimp, etc. I guess it's just a loneliness thing. Maybe she thinks it gets in the way of schoolwork. I feel sad for you guys, I'm just not to the point where I can't just beg my mom, get good grades.... And tadaaaaahh. A new tank. :D
 
#48 ·
This right here.

I haven't been married long and I'm not afraid of my wife but at 33 I like to think I've picked up a few of life's lessons and one big BIG lesson is "don't go looking for a fight because you may not like the one you find".

My wife is into fish keeping which I know is rare and fortunate but even still we both put our foot (feet?) down now and again on each other's decisions and procurements because without that helpful judgement on each other's ideas we can get a lil crazy.
We had a discussion before we got married and it boiled down to acknowledging that we both want to keep a few nano tanks and nano tanks are ok but we don't want the house to look like a scaled down seaworld.
If I'm looking at a tank and she asks where I plan to put it she's not being a domineering bi**h, she legitimately wants to know where I plan to put it and if I can come up with a reasonable answer and we can afford it she typically says "sure, as long as I get to help scape or stock it".

This is good and proves that listening to the wife doesn't need to be bad.
 
#11 ·
if you already have a wife/family/gf/kids then YES they do come first. but if your hobby/hobbies are that importent to you like it is to me then you should have thought about that before hand... i know that there is no way i could live without doing my passions! and i have a lot of them.

i know that before i get married (or if i do.. haha) the wife is gonna have to deal with my aquarium room, my huge garage filled with cars, i will be buying a boat or 2 and the house will be the way i want it, etc.... call me selfish, but unless she's bringing in the majority of the income she has nothing to say. not saying there will be no comprimise or i won't do anything nice for her, but she's definatilly not gonna tell me what i can and cannot do with my money. PERIOD!
 
#13 ·
If you're married and still think of money as "mine and hers" vs "yours together" than you're in for a long and difficult road. Marriage and family is about coming together as a unit.

Thinking that since she doesn't bring home a majority of the income means she can't say anything is at the heart of the problem. Again once that ring goes on you're acting as a unit. When you win she also wins, and when you lose she also loses. You're supposed to be on the journey of life together. Not just dealing with another person a lot because you live together.

Just my 2c's


- Mumford
 
#12 ·
It also counts for something that some things are good in moderation. Like if your gf wanted to turn the whole house into a pottery studio and start hosting classes all day, you might be a little offput. Same goes for her with your fishtanks, a few is great but when it dominates life and home its not so great. Also note that alot of these guys do have fish still- theres a difference in saying "i'd rather not have 10 tanks" and "you have to get rid of your fish, because you love me more then your hobbies right?". Usually they're not trying to change him, just that, not being fish geeks, they'd rather not have the fish start migrating in to every room of the house. It is their house too, after all.
 
#14 ·
The day my girlfriend says I can't do something is the day that I'm becoming single....and she's very aware of that. Generally when I get into a new relationship I explain all the hobbies that I am into and tell her that they pretty much come with a package deal. So if you want me then you get my hobbies as well. It works both ways...if she's into pottery or yoga then I'll attend a few sessions with you. But under no circumstances will I ever tell a girl that she "cannot" do yoga or a weaving class knowing that she was into these things prior to meeting me. Which is the same reason that your significant other shouldn't tell you what you can and cannot do.
Spoken like a single man! :)

If you're married and still think of money as "mine and hers" vs "yours together" than you're in for a long and difficult road. Marriage and family is about coming together as a unit.

Thinking that since she doesn't bring home a majority of the income means she can't say anything is at the heart of the problem. Again once that ring goes on you're acting as a unit. When you win she also wins, and when you lose she also loses. You're supposed to be on the journey of life together. Not just dealing with another person a lot because you live together.
Spoken like a married man! :)
 
#16 ·
Some of us either picked up the hobby after the relationship or got into again after some time from being away and we all know how addictive it can be. All of us for the most part started with a little 10 or 20 gallon tank. When that tank turns into 75, 125, 225 gallons, it becomes something a little more than what they might have originally agreed to at first... If my wife was ok with everything I wanted to do, I would be completely broke and cooking up expired, freezer-burned brine shrimp for dinner...

She brings me back to earth when I have a crazy idea or want to blow money on something that I should probably think through first...it acts as a good set of checks and balances.
 
#20 ·
Even then it's not bad. My wife has had entire conversations on the ride home from work. I haven't heard a single one. All a matter of knowing when to say yes, uhhuh, no, possibly, sure. Well unless fish, tank were mentioned in the same sentence. Meantime I've already figured out all my plans for the evening while she's rambled about this, that, or the next thing.
 
#19 ·
I started in this hobby when we were dating. Her brother brought her home a snapping turtle out of the Hudson. So naturally I bought her a tank for the turtle. Then I bought me a tank for fish. And another. And another. Until we had 20 tanks. In a 3 room apartment. So this is all her fault anyway. 32 years later I still have tanks. 4 in the house. The rest in the fish house. Sometimes I may spill water. Sometimes I may even wipe it up. Or she does. If I forget or she refuse I just don't care. I Don't Care. 3 of the most freeing words in the english language. I Don't Care. Coach Hayden Fox
 
#21 · (Edited)
My solution is simple. I don't live with my girlfriend. This allows me to keep my spider-man sheets and star wars themed bedroom too! haha!

I did let her put three male jade head guppies in one of my tanks. She said all of my fish were ugly and boring. So I compromised. Next she wants the neon green version of the black skirt tetras. I'm still debating on this one. That just might be too much.
 
#26 ·
my wife is personally jealous of my tanks, and not because i don't spend time with her or the kids,
its because i have a fun hobby and she doesn't although encouraged to do so, she puts her time elsewhere. so im not scared of her, but i absolutely agree with work together, but do what you want. neither of us stops the other from doing somethig we want as long as its logical, or at least within reason. im not gonna drop 10,000 bux on a new fish room if we need a new roof. but i might get a 5 gallon tank by my bed if we need a new roof, much more logical spending for example
 
#28 ·
I guess I'm a lucky bastard then, because my wife loves having planted tanks in the house for aesthetic and being engulfed in the whole Nature Aquarium essence. Though I couldn't get her to touch my planted aquariums if my life depended on it. She totally digs shrimp though so she learned how to do all the water parameter testing/monitoring on her own since I hated shrimp (in the beginning). Me, I'm more of a hands on, trial n error guy... tests, what tests? lol I do what I know and what works for me. We compliment each other working together and that's how we've always been.
 
#29 ·
I am a wife, and I am very deep into this hobby... always have been. I don't have problem with my husband saying no to me because there is a reason he's saying it, and 9/10 times I am really only joking about getting another tank. I do have plans for future tanks but we also live in a small house right now so I am fortunate to have 3 tanks up. As is my tanks take up one wall in the living room and the small tank takes up a good amount of space in the kitchen, and that is why he says no.

It's not like I have my fishroom and we have the money for it but he's coming in and putting his foot down. Besides, I would happily choose him over the hobby. I come from parents that were together for 43 years before my mom died, and I want this to be my only marriage for my future kids sake.
 
#31 ·
My girlfriend doesn't like my 70+ tanks.
If I didn't have the space I couldn't have as many tanks as I run though.
If I lived in a small house I would be limited to less.

She still will come to a show/meetup and will help me with a convention or two.
Though recently she just wanted to go home, who could blame her as its winter and cold in the city.

I have way too many tanks for my own good. Humidity is becoming an issue.
Having her be a voice of reason would be nice but rather than get rid of tanks I'm browsing dehumidifiers.

Also planning on adding another 15-25 tanks this year :angel:

-Gordon
 
#36 ·
I'm married for 19 years had tanks before I meet her and have been in and out of the hobby for all of my marriage. Our money is shared. I don't make dumb desicions such as putting off a roof or new appliance because I want another tank. I have one 60 gallon, 2 20 gallon, and 2 ten gallon tanks. I also have a nice koi pond in my yard. My wife understands and likes my hobby, she wants me to do a saltwater tank I said no way! As others have said family comes first then bills, and hobbies can follow. I feel sorry for guys how have to get clearance for every fart they lay. I'm sure they saw these traits before they got married. How could they think that they would be happy?
 
#37 ·
I listen to my wife when she says no to more tanks.. Two reasons:

1. It's more important to me to have a good relationship than to have more fish tanks.
2. If it were up to me, I'd buy tanks, fish and equipment until I was broke and on the street. She keeps me from going insane with obsessions.

It's not always her though, sometimes I slow down on a hobby because I WANT to spend more time with her, I want to save for a house, I want to be able to walk into a room without bumping into a tank.

Relationships are about compromise..
 
#53 ·
I dont necessarily believe in marriages are compromises. That just starts it off wrong. They are however a journey together. Two people have to put 100% effort in on both sides to work, but once thats established, goals and thought processes tend to be very close together, and generally you become each other's reason, not just the compromise agent.

I dont compromise what i do, we reason when something is not right.
We joke about it to be sure, like okay you have house and kid duty this week and ill play with your hair and rub ur back every night. But for serious aspects its about working toward the same goals, this is why many marriages fall apart, and including money. You have to want the same goal. If not the paths you chose to get there will make you or break you
 
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