So I'm in front of an oscilloscope right now, and I feel like a bit of an idiot.
Keep in mind I'm a total noob here and until about 3 hours ago I knew nothing about oscilloscopes other than there was one at work. After a couple of youtube videos about how to use them, I was good to go.
So, the first thing is that I just realized that I was making measurements of the supposedly 5V pins without them being grounded, and what I saw must have been... I have no clue. But when I just look at that signal (not connected to ground) it definitely looks like an AC wave and goes way beyond 5V. It has a frequency of 60 hz (1st picture). Sorry again for the noobiness.
Now, the next pictures show the signal of the two pins with the probe properly grounded.
On the pin on the right, I read an AC wave of 320 mV differential (+/- 180 mV peaks), and on the pin on the left, I read an AC wave of 640 mV (+/- 320 mV peaks). Both signals at 60 hz,
It appears there's hardly any voltage there at all.
Certainly, the signal does NOT look like a square wave like you might expect from a PWM signal.
And it's all the more surprising that what IS there looks like an AC signal.
I'm going to get the Wifi thing tomorrow and I'll see if I can get the Wifi adapter to spew anything of significance out of those pins.