It's none of my business but you sound kind of down or depressed even. With 2700 posts, this is not a new toy that has lost its shine. I suspect something else is changing your outlook on aquaristics and maybe other things. That would fall under the category of hopefully just a phase. If I am wrong, I'm sorry. If I'm right, please talk to someone about your problems, whatever they may be. I wish you only the best and please take care.